Digimon: My Virtual Reality
by Argonian Dovahkiin
Summary: Liam Darks was your normal lonely high school kid. Or at least he was before he fell into his computer and ended up in a strange digital world and befriended a Demidevimon. Follow him on his journey as he makes friends, fights bad guys and tries to weasel his way out of every situation. Now a callob with Overlordpringerx! (FIXED CHAPTER 3. KODUGUMON WAS SUPPOSED TO BE KODOKUGUMON)
1. prologue

**This is my first Digimon story! I'm so excited!**

 **Important note: some digivolution chains may seem strange but they've all perfectly legit. Though I may still need some help with some. If any of you think you know Digimon chains; PM and I'll tell you which ones don't seem to have a next stage.**

 **I do not own digimon! DUH!**

* * *

 _I never imagined that something like this would happen to me. If this had to happen to anyone, I figured it would be someone taller. But that's life for ya, I guess. One day you're going through your normal everyday routine, living a normal life, talking to normal people and the next - you're falling into your computer and befriending a bunch of psychos who -I'm pretty sure - are on crack or something._

 _Hello, my name is Liam Darks. I'm just your average high schooler with lots of friends and famil- oh, who am I kidding? That didn't sound real even to me. Let me start over._

 _Hello, my name is Liam Darks. I'm eighteen years old, have brown eyes and pale brown skin. I'm pretty short for my age. A lot of people mistake me for a sixteen year old. You won't believe how hard it is for me to get into clubs. I have ridiculously short, curly black hair that looks like someone took black teddy bear stuffing and glued it to my head._

 _Now that you know what I look like, I should probably tell you about my social life. Short answer: it doesn't exist. I'm what you call a 'sociopath'. That means I don't connect well with people. I always say the wrong thing….at the wrong time….all the time._

 _My home life isn't any better. My parents are always away on business so I live alone. Every teenager's dream, right? Wrong. Trust me; it gets boring easily. Imagine waking up the morning of your birthday to….nothing. They send me some money and a lousy card but that's basically it._

 _So I bet you're wondering; "Golly Liam, how do you stay sane?". Well folks, the credit goes to my closest friend: the Internet. About ninety-five percent of my day is spent on my computer. No I don't watch porn or anything like that. I just do anything to pass the time whether it be gaming or reading fanfiction. Yep, my computer is basically my best friend. It also happens to be the reason I got into this mess in the first place!_

 _It was a day like any other. I had just got home from school and had thrown my backpack to the floor before making my way to my room. It was a particularly hot day and I was exhausted from my walk home, so, as soon as I got to my room, I just threw myself onto my bed and sighed. I could've died in that bed a happy man. I was so close to falling asleep when I heard an obnoxious beeping. At first I ignored it, figuring I had just gone crazy from exhaustion...but then I heard it again. I remember thinking about destroying whoever was sending me an email NOW of all times before getting up and making my way over to my computer, not realising until later that my computer shouldn't have been on. The sender wasn't identified and the subject was simply 'I can help you'. I was suspicious as to what that meant. Did this guy know that I sucked at biology or something?_

 _I sat there for a minute before doing the dumbest thing in the history of dumb things: I opened the email. I know, I know - total dumbass move. When you get a mysterious email from an unknown guy claiming that he can 'help you', you should fucking delete the damn thing! But nope, I wanted to read the email and reply with some pretty...unkind words. Little did I know that I'd never get the chance._

 _As soon as I clicked 'Open', the screen suddenly shut off. I thought that perhaps the email was some sort of virus. I was about to yell some more "unkind" words, when my computer suddenly reactivated itself. The screen flashed repeatedly for a few seconds before jumping to some sort of strange site. The name said "Digimon " and there was a window at the bottom that said "Would you like to join?". I was excited. I always loved cool computer games. Thinking I had found a new way to pass the time, I clicked on 'Yes' and eagerly waited to make an account. But instead, the screen shut off again. At this point I assumed it was just part of the site or something. So I waited a second before the words "Welcome to the Digital World" were displayed on screen. Before I could even begin to think what that meant, the screen lit up with a blinding light. I covered my eyes and screamed and then...then everything went dark. My journey had begun._

 _So to clarify: my name is Liam._

 _And this is the beginning of my virtual reality._


	2. Chapter 1: Of bats and bugs

_Darkness - That's all I saw. Just an empty blackness that went on for miles. I could move; couldn't think. It was as though my feet were glued to the floor. I tried to scream - to call for help - but no sound left my lips. I began to shudder in fear. How did I get here? Where is here? Was I trapped? I wanted to run but my legs still wouldn't budge. I repeatedly mouthed 'Help' hoping that I'd get some sort of response. And I did._

 _"DO NOT WORRY YOUNG ONE…." Said a deep, guttural voice._

 _My eyes went wide when I heard that voice. It sounded so dark and cold...not to mention really close, as if it were right behind me which (considering how I still couldn't move) was not reassuring at all. I could almost feel it's cold breath brushing against my legs...wait, my legs?!_

 _I looked down and screamed in terror when I saw my legs being swallowed up by some strange purple smog. The cold it produced was enough to numb any part of me it crawled up. My eyes started to tear in fear as the smog reached my chest. It was at this moment that the voice thought it would be a good time to speak._

 _"SOON YOU WILL EMBRACE ETERNITY!"_

* * *

"AHHH!"

He immediately shot up straight, practically obliterating every trace of sleep left in his body. He placed his hand on his chest in attempt to calm his erratic heartbeat. Once his heart calmed down, and his breathing no longer came out in short, shallow huffs, he threw himself on his back and sighed in relief.

 _'Just a nightmare.'_ He thought as he stared up at the cloudless blue sky.

"It sure is a nice day." He thought out loud as a lazy smile stretched across his face. He closed his eyes, relishing in the warmth of the sun, and continued talking to himself.

"Sure am glad I took a nap under this tre-WAIT A MINUTE!" He yelled as he jumped to his feet and checked his surroundings. Nothing but trees obstructed his view.

"A-A forest? How the heck did I get here?!"

The events of the day before (at least he, thought it was the day before - he had no idea how long he was out) came back to him. He remembered the strange email, the odd site and that bright light, but that was it. Everything after that was a blur.

"Th-This has to be a bad dream. Hehe. Yeah, j-just a bad dream. I'm sure if I just pinch myself I'll-OW!" Unfortunately, the sharp pain up his arm confirmed that it definitely was _not_ a dream. Rubbing his now sore arm, he took another look at his surroundings.

"This can't be happening. This can't be happening. Oh please for the love all humanity don't let this be happening." He chanted to himself. Leaning against the tree as support, he ran a gloved hand through his hair.

'Wait a second….GLOVED?!' He thought as he looked at his hands. Sure enough, they were hidden beneath a pair of white gloves. That wasn't the only article of clothing that changed. His school pants was replaced with a pair of black jeans with red stripes running up the sides. His school shirt was replaced by a red short sleeved T-shirt beneath a black jacket that also had stripes running up the sides and the sleeves. He wore a pair of red and black sneakers.

"H-Huh? How did I….? Where's my school uniform?!" He asked himself. He paused for a second before looking at his clothing again. A smile spread across his face.

"Actually, I kinda make this look work." He said before looking around. "Well, I suppose standing here and panicking isn't going to get me anywhere. Now what was it my teacher said to do when you're lost in a forest? I think it was to look into the sun to know the direction to-AHH! MY EYES! AH MAN, WHY DID I THINK THAT WAS GOOD IDEA?!"

After rubbing his eyes until he could see again, he decided to wander around in hopes of finding a town. "Maybe there's a sign around here or something." He muttered.

* * *

 **Meanwhile...**

"Stop right there!"

"The hell I will!" I yelled back as I flapped like I never flapped before (aren't you glad I didn't say "fapped"?). I had to if I wanted to get this chick off my back. Honestly, you'd think being able to fly would make losing the Five-O easier - and it usually does. But this chick is persistent!

"You'll never take me alive!"

"We'll see about that! Candlemon, get him!"

"Right! Melted Wax!"

Next thing I knew there was a ball of hot wax heading my way. I screamed "Yikes!" as I ducked under it. It landed on the floor in front of me and hardened almost instantly.

"You'll have to do better than that Waxy!" I yelled.

 _'Damn, how do I get rid of these two?'_ I thought as I dodged another ball of wax. My wings are starting to get tired and I'm running out of funny one-liners. At least she's not calling for backup. That's a plus, right?

That's when I got a lucky break. Just ahead of me, I could see Program Forest. _'Maybe I can loose her there.'_ I thought.

Determined to give Goody-Two-Shoes and Candle-boy the slip, I flew in the direction of the forest. I guess she figured out what I was doing because I heard her panicking.

"Sonnuva-! Don't let him get into the forest Candlemon!"

"Bonfire!"

"Whoa!" I yelled as I just barely dodged a small fireball. That scared me just enough to make me put the pedal to the metal.

It took me a few minutes and I got burned with each one but I made it into the forest (barely) unscathed. I started to weave through the trees in an attempt to lose 'em. When I could no longer hear them yelling and no fireballs were thrown at me, I decided to perch myself on a branch and take a breather. I needed to think of a way to get those coppers off my back.

 _'Running's no good. It's like those two have nothing better to do. Fighting? Uh no thank you. Hiding? Nah, that won't work. They'll keep looking until it's dark if they have to. Unless…..'_

That's when I had an idea. If I could somehow convince them that I'm still on the run, I might be able to hide while they run right past me. Unfortunately, there's one problem with that plan. How the Dark Area am I gonna convince Super Cop that I'm long gone?

And that, folks, is when I got another lucky break.

"Didn't I just pass this tree…?"

 _'Huh?'_

I looked around to find whoever just spoke, only actually finding who it was when I looked down. There was some kid staring at the trunk of the tree I was in. Judging by the way he was scratching his head, he was confused as hell.

 _'Huh, weirdo.'_ I thought. I was about to fly off when I heard footsteps heading my way.

"I think he went this way. Come on."

I panicked. She was right on my tail. I needed to think of something fast. I looked down at the kid below me. I had an idea but it was long shot. Like, five miles away long. But I guess it's worth a shot.

 _'Well, here goes nothing.'_

"Psst. Pssssst. Hey kid."

* * *

"Didn't I just pass this tree…?" He asked himself, scratching his head in confusion. He honestly had no idea. All the tree in this forest looked the same to him.

 _'Great. Just freaking great'_ He thought as he tried to get his bearings. He wasn't sure how long he was walking through the forest but he was pretty sure he had just walked in a circle.

"Psst. Pssssst. Hey kid."

 _'Huh?'_

He looked left and right in an attempt to find the source of the voice but only saw trees, trees and a moose. No wait, that was just another tree. He blinked three times before letting out an over-dramatized sigh.

 _'Great. I've lost my mind too. I thought I'd last at least another two years before that happened. Oh well, guess I better choose an asylum.'_ He thought. That's when he heard it again.

"Psssssst! Up here."

He blinked in confusion before looking up and jumping away from the tree in fright. Now he knew he'd gone crazy.

 _'What the heck is that?!'_

Perched on one of the branches of the tree he was under, was what one could only describe as a round, bat-like creature. It had two big wings with two smaller ones underneath, wore what looked like a blue mask of some sort and had two wispy attachments on its head. Its eyes were a bright shade of yellow and its head seemed to take up its entire body. It also had a red band around its right leg.

It stared at him with a large smile on its face before speaking again. "Sup kid."

Liam blinked twice, his mind still trying to process one simple fact.

It spoke.

It freaking spoke! With actual words!

He rubbed his eyes and blinked. When he still saw the bat-thing there he slapped himself twice before looking at it again. He sighed in relief when he didn't see it there anymore.

"You done yet?"

"Nhyaaa!" He yelled, jumping away from the bat-thing that was now behind him. It blinked before speaking again.

"What was that? Some kind of weird human greeting or something?"

"W-Wha-"

"Hey!"

His sentence was cut off but the sounds of footsteps and yelling. He turned and someone coming his way. The bat-creature panicked and said "uh-oh." before flying back into the tree.

As the person got closer, Liam was able to get a better look at her. She had long light-brown hair that went a little past her shoulders, up, and fair skin. She wore a pair of black skinny jeans and white long sleeved shirt, with a tight and light pink zip-up hoodie around her waist and brown boots. However, it was what was hopping along side her that really got his attention.

 _ **'Sweet mother of glob does that candle have a face?!'**_

Not really knowing what else to do, he waited for her to reach him, hoping that she might be able to help him out of this forest. Once they were in front of him, he was able to notice the colour of her eyes. It couldn't tell what colour they were; sort of a blue-grey.

She was hunched over and gasping for breath. When she spoke, her voice was raspy. "Excuse me...have you seen….a demi...you know what? Candlemon, please take this. I need a breather. She said between gasps.

Her partner, Candlemon as it's apparently named, nodded before turning its attention to Liam. "Good day sir. My name is Candlemon and this is Mikaela Presley. We are officers from the digital T.P.U."

Mikaela, who finally managed to get her breath back, flashed a badge as proof of their occupation. It was silver with the letters 'T.P.U' in the center.

 _'Digital T.P.U? What does that stand for?'_ He thought. He was snapped out of his thoughts when he noticed that Mikaela started speaking.

"We were wondering if you've seen this individual." asked Mikaela as she pulled out a small round device. She pressed a big blue button in the center, causing it to display a holographic projection. What really shocked him, however, was the fact that it was a projection of the bat-creature hiding in the tree right behind her.

"Uuuum…."

He was in a bit of a dilemma now. On one hand, he could easily point towards the bat-creature and watch it get captured, and maybe even ask for directions. On the other hand, he had no idea who this chick was or what she wanted with the bat-creature. He looked to where the bat was hiding. It stuck its head out and moved one of its talons to its mouth and mouthed "Shhh" before giving him the puppy dog eyes. Liam sighed, already making his decision.

 _'I'm going to regret this,'_ he thought before turning his attention back to Mikaela and Candlemon, who were still looking at him expectantly.

"Uhh...Yes I did officers. He went that way," he said, pointing in some random direction. Mikaela looked in the direction he was pointing before nodding to him.

"Alright, thank you for your co-operation sir. Come on Candlemon."

"Right!"

And with that, they were off. Sent on some half-assed wild goose chase. He waited until they were no longer in sight before turning his attention to the bat-creature. "Alright, they're gone. You can come out now."

He didn't have to wait very long before it flew out of the tree and hovered in in front of his face.

"Phew, finally lost 'em. Thanks kid, you saved my bacon."

"Um...you're welcome I guess." That's when he remembered something: he still needed directions out of this damn forest. "Oh wait, can you help me out? I'm kinda lost you see and I have no idea what I'm doing. You think you could show me the way outta here?"

The bat-creature seemed to think about it for a second before replying. "Well, I don't usually help civilians, but since you helped me out of a jam I guess I could return the favour."

"Really?! Oh thank you so much."

"Don't mention it kid." He said as he perched himself on Liam's head. He point one of his talons east before saying: "Just head that way."

"Thanks." And with that, he went east. The walk was silent until he noticed that the bat-thing was still perched on his head.

"Uhh, thanks. You can go now." He deadpanned.

The bat-creature just smiled before replying. "Nah. I'll stick with you for a while."

"Wait, what?! Don't I get a say in this?!"

"Nope. So what's your name kid?"

Liam let out a defeated sigh before responding. "Liam. You?"

The bat flew off his shoulder and hovered in front of his face again. "The name's Demidevimon. Nice to meet ya pal," he declared before reaching forward with one of his talons. Liam stared at it for a moment, shrugged, and shook it. With that done, Demidevimon re-perched himself on Liam's head.

"So where are you from kid? Never seen you around here before."

"New York - and I don't even know where 'here' is."

"New York? Never heard of it. As for your lack of knowledge, I'm not surprised. You humans get lost so easily."

"Oh yeah? Well where are you from?"

"The same place all dark digimon are from; the Dark Area."

Liam nodded and kept walking. He didn't bother asking what a digimon was or where the Dark Area is. It would probably just give him a headache anyway. For now, he was cool with just finding his way out of this forest, with his new traveling buddy.

* * *

Meanwhile, Mikaela and Candlemon had their own problem to deal with. They had gone the direct Liam pointed to, but didn't find any clues as to where Demidevimon had gone. Needless to say, neither of them were in the best of moods.

"I can't believe we lost him," whined Candlemon.

"I just don't get it. We went in the direction that guy pointed out. How could we have lost him?" Said Mikaela. It just didn't make sense. There was no way Demidevimon could have escaped so easily.

 _'Then again he is a pretty sly digimon. Wouldn't put it past him to trick us into losing his trail.'_

"So what do we do now?" asked Candlemon. She took a moment to think about their course of action.

"Well, it's no use looking for him. He's probably long gone. Our only option now is to head back to Digi-City E," Mikaela sighed. "There goes my perfect record."

"But what are we gonna tell the chief?"

Mikaela froze. She did _not_ want think of that. A shudder run up her spine thinking of what the chief would do when she learned they didn't catch Demidevimon. She might give them **'The look'**.

" _Oh shiitake on fire_! Okay. We have like, an hour's trip back to Digi-city E. So that gives us more than enough time to think of something, right? Right?"

When she got no response, she turned to her partner and saw that he was behind a bush. He was staring intently at something; what it was she didn't know.

"Candlemon, what are you-"

"SSSHHH!

He motioned her closer, which only confused her more. Nevertheless, she complied. While crouched next to him, he pointed at something in the treeline. She didn't see anything at first, but after squinting her eyes a little she saw a silhouette of someone moving deeper into the forest.

"Who is that?" She asked her partner.

"Beats me," he replied before turning to face her. "You think that might be our guy?"

"No, whoever that is is far too big to be Demidevimon. Hmmm…still, I suppose it's worth looking into. Come on, Candlemon. "

And with that, they followed the mystery person into the forest. They couldn't see the person's front but from what they could tell from his back, it was definitely a male. He had spikey blue hair, wore a black hoodie, though down at the moment, and a pair of worn out blue jeans. They followed him to clearing where he stood completely still as if waiting for something.

"Why is he just standing there?" She whisper to her partner. He simply shrugged in response. They sat in hiding until they suddenly heard a loud buzzing sound. They looked up and stared in awe as a giant red beetle descended from the sky and landed in front of the mystery person.

"That is a _big_ Kuwagamon," stated Candlemon before getting shushed by his partner. That was when the male finally spoke.

"You got the stuff?"

"Boy do I ever." Replied Kuwagamon as he pulled out a small red device. "This should be enough to take out a whole digi-Area."

 _"Say what?!"_ whispered Mikaela.

"Perfect," said the male as he pulled a small bag from his back pocket. "I believe this should be enough to cover the pay." He said as he tossed the bag to the giant insect digimon, who caught it without problem.

"Excellent. Pleasure doing business with you."

"Mikaela, we have to do something!" Urged Candlemon.

"I know, I know. Just let me think, alright?"

She tried to think of a way to stop this without it getting messy. Calling for backup was pointless - they'd be gone before backup arrived, and trying to steal the device would not only be useless, but also idiotic on so many levels. There was only one thing they could do.

"We have no choice. We're going to have to fight. Let's go."

"Yes ma'am."

The Kuwagamon was about to give the device to the boy, when a voice stopped him.

"Stop right there!"

"What the-?" said the male as he turned his attention to her. Now that she could see his face she noticed he had bright green eyes and a scar on his forehead shaped like an 'X'.

"You two are under arrest for the possession of illegal property!"

Kuwagamon, who looked downright furious, snatched the device away from the male. "You little brat! You tricked me!"

"What?! I didn't have anything to do with this!" The male responded.

"Liar! You'll pay for this!"

Kuwagamon tried to grab the boy but he jumped out of the way. This only made the insect digimon angrier as he continued to try and get his claws on him. Eventually the boy slipped and fell on his rear. Kuwagamon lifted his foot, about to step on the boy, but was interrupted by a fireball hitting him in the face. He then turned his attention to Mikaela and Candlemon.

"You dare get in my way?! I'll erase your data!" He yelled before charging straight at them. Mikaela and Candlemon jump out of the way just in time. As she landed, Mikaela pulled out a white digivice.

"Digivice activate!"

The words " _Digivolve: Champion_ " were displayed on the screen. Suddenly, a bright light enveloped Candlemon until only his silhouette could be seen. His body began to grow and morph until it was almost unrecognisable.

"Candlemon Digivolve to….Sorcerymon!"

When the light faded, a different digimon stood where Candlemon once did. He looked like your stereotypical wizard. In his left hand was a staff that had a large snowflake at the top. Kuwagamon did not look impressed.

"You think that'll be enough to stop me?! I'll crush you!"

Sorcerymon didn't even flinch at Kuwagamon's booming voice. He kept a facial expression of indifference and spoke in a calm and collected tone. "Bring it on."

* * *

Liam and Demidevimon (mostly Liam) had been walking for a good half-hour before they decided to take a breather. Liam was sitting against a tree with his hands behind his back while Demidevimon was trying to take a nap on his lap. It was at that moment that Liam decided ask about something bugging him since he met the little bat.

"By the way, I've been meaning to ask; why was that girl and her candle chasing you?"

The little bat didn't even bother to open his eyes as he responded. "Meh, I pulled some pranks and they thought I was being a bit too mischievous. Damn T.P.U have no sense of humour." he muttered.

"That's another thing; what the hell is a Digital T.P.U anyway?"

"Digital Tamer Peace Union. They're in charge of, and I quote, "Keeping the peace in the digital world" though they kinda suck at it."

 _'Digital world? Is that where I am?'_

"Soo...they're like, super cops?"

"Basically. Now I have a question for you." He said as he stood on Liam's lap. "What the Dark Area is that thing?" He asked, motioning to Liam's belt.

"That my little bat, is a belt. It's used to keep my pants up and-"

"Not that! I'm talking about the thing sticking out of your pocket."

"The what now?"

He stuck his hand in his pocket and sure enough, there was something in there. He pulled it out and saw it was some sort of small, black, phone shaped device. It had a small button on its side and a small screen the front.

"I...have no idea."

He stared at it for a moment before he decided to push the button. He knew it was probably a bad idea but his curiousity got the better of him. As soon as he pressed the button, a red light shot out from the device. There was light over Liam's body. When it was done, the light turned green and retreated back to the device.

 **"TAMER RECOGNISED. SCANNING DIGIMON PARTNER."**

The red light shot out of the device again, except this time it scanned over Demidevimon. When it was done it turned green and went back into the device.

 **"DIGIMON RECOGNISED: DEMIDEVIMON"**

Liam and Demidevimon blinked in confusion as they stared at the strange device. They waited for something to occur but nothing happened.

"What the Dark Area just happened?"

"Beats me. Just what the heck is this thing?"

"That, young one, is a digivice."

They both jumped in fright at the sound of a new voice. They turned around and saw a figure in a black cloak standing behind them. The cloak hid all the person's features, but they could tell that the person a female due to the sound of her voice.

"W-Who the heck are you?" Liam asked.

"There is no time for that. Your friend is in danger."

"My what now?"

Now he was just confused. He didn't come to this forest with a friend. He didn't even have any to begin with. The only people he knew were Demidevimon and…

"Wait, you mean the chick with the walking candle? Sorry lady but they aren't my friends. In fact I don't even know them. So if you'll excuse u- WOAH!"

He cut himself off when he noticed a big purple hole forming underneath them. He tried to run but it already began pulling him and Demidevimon in. As he fell through the portal, he only had enough time to say one thing:

"This is incredibly fucked uuuuuup!"

* * *

"Scissor Claw!"

"Sorcerymon, look out!"

Sorcerymon jumped to the side to avoid being slashed by Kuwagamon's giant claws. Once he landed, he pointed his staff at Kuwagamon.

"Crystal Barrage!"

Various ice crystals were launched at the insect digimon. A few hit their mark, but most missed due to Kuwagamon flying to avoid the attack. Once the attack was out of the way, he stopped in midair and dive bombed towards Sorcerymon.

"Trap Scissors!"

Once he got close enough, Kuwagamon spread his pincers, hoping to crush Sorcerymon. But the ice wizard was one step ahead. When Kuwagamon snapped his pincers shut, Sorcerymon jammed them open by turning his staff sideways and shoving it between his pincers. Kuwagamon roared in anger and started shaking his head wildly, taking Sorcerymon and his staff with him. He shook his head until Sorcerymon was sent flying into a tree.

"Sorcerymon!" yelled Mikaela as she ran to her partner, only for Kuwagamon to jump in front of her.

"And just where do you think you're going?" he asked as he stalked towards her. He lifted his claw, about to slash her into oblivion, but stopped when he heard a scream.

"This is incredibly fucked uuuuuup!"

That was when something landed on his head, causing him to panic and shake his head wildly. Mikaela's eyes widened when she saw that her saviours were Demidevimon and the stranger she met earlier.

Meanwhile, Liam and Demidevimon were having their own problem. They held on for dear life as Kuwagamon threw them back and forth in an attempt to get them off.

"Woah! Woah! Woah! Wee! Woah! Woah! Woah! Wee!"

Eventually their grip started to slip (hey that rhymes) and they were thrown off. Demidevimon simply stopped himself in midair. Liam, however, was not so lucky. He was thrown into a tree. You could hear him grunt in pain as he fell out of the foliage and land on his ass.

"I really hate this forest." He groaned. Demidevimon landed next to him.

"You okay?"

"I'm not dead. I suppose that's a good sign." He muttered. When he got up, he saw the biggest problem he'd ever seen.

"What the heck is that?!"

"You!"

They turned their attention to Mikaela. She did not look happy. "So that's where he was! You were hiding him!" She yelled, pointing at Demidevimon.

"Uh...sup officer"

"Enough talk!" Roared Kuwagamon who was getting tired of all this. "I'll destroy you all right now! Scissor Claw!"

"Yikes!"

Liam jumped to his left to avoid the attack while Demidevimon jumped to the right. When he got up, he noticed that Kuwagamon had Demidevimon in a corner and was about to bring his claw down.

"Demidevimon!"

Demidevimon shivered in fear. There was no way for him to escape. When Kuwagamon lifted his claw, he saw his life flash before his eyes.

 _'My only regret is this part.'_

Kuwagamon was about to bring bis claw down when he suddenly started yelling. He reached something on his back. When he turned around, Demidevimon saw Liam on his back, roughly pulling on his wings.

"Demidevimon, get out of here! I'll distract him!"

Demidevimon couldn't believe it. This kid - who he had only met a little while ago - was risking his life to save him. No one had ever done anything like that for him.

"Go now!" He yelled. Demidevimon stood there for a second before nodding and flying off. Liam sighed in relief when he saw Demidevimon leave. But now he had a new problem. What was he going to do now?

 _'Yeah I didn't exactly think this plan through did I?'_ He thought.

Eventually, Kuwagamon managed to get a good grip on him and throw him off. His back hit the trunk of a tree, causing him to cry out in pain. He tried to get up, but was stop by large red foot pressing down on him.

"You're gonna pay for that kid!"

"Why does everyone keep calling me that? I'm fucking eighteen!" He groaned. He couldn't believe he was going to die like this. He always thought he'd die in a mental hospital or in prison for peeing in public. Not being stepped on by a bug!

"Well, at least it's an ironic death…" he muttered, bracing himself for a trip to the other side. Just when thought his organs were going to shoot out of his head due to the pressure, he heard a very unexpected voice.

"Demidevi Claw!"

Kuwagamon yelled out in pain as felt Demidevimon's talons slash his face, causing him to stumble backwards. Demidevimon landed next to Liam as he got up from the ground. When he got himself up straight again, he turned his attention to the digimon who had saved him.

"You came back…?"

Demidevimon smiled at him before perching himself on his shoulder. "I told ya kid; you helped me out of a jam so I'm returning the favor."

 _"RAAAGH!"_

The smiles on their faces vanished when they remembered that they still had to deal Big-Red-And-Ugly. They backed up against the tree as he got closer.

"That's it! I've had enough of this! I'm gonna rip you-"

"Crystal Barrage!"

Suddenly, Kuwagamon was hit with an onslaught of ice crystals, each exploding on contact. He roared in pain and stumbled backwards. Liam and Demidevimon turned their attention to the direction of the blast and saw Mikaela with her hands on her hips; a proud smile on her face. Her partner stood in front of her, his staff still pointed at Kuwagamon.

Demidevimon was about to thank her (or insult her - whichever worked really) when he noticed something in the corner of his eye. He looked down and saw purple light coming from Liam's pocket.

"Kid, there's something purple coming from your pants."

"What?! Again?!" Liam yelled, panic written all over his face. He calmed down when he saw the glow coming from his pocket. He reached in his pocket and pulled out his digivice. The screen was flashing with purple light.

"What the heck?"

"Say 'Digivice activate'!"

Liam turned his attention to Mikaela, who was looking at him with a serious face.

"What? Why?"

"Just do it!"

"Alright, alright. Geeze, bossy much?" He muttered before looking down at his digivice. "Uhh...Digivice activate?"

The screen suddenly shined brighter, almost blinding him. When he heard Demidevimon yell out in surprise, he turned his head and saw that he was engulfed in a purple light.

"What the…?"

"Demidevimon Digivolve to…...Devimon!"

When the light faded, a different creature stood where Demidevimon once had. This being looked like evil incarnate. Its body was completely black and it had long arms, legs and claws. Its eyes were as red as blood and it had a bat-like simple on its chest. This was Devimon.

"Woah! Now this is what I'm talking about," said Devimon as he looked at himself in awe.

"I've never felt this powerful before! This is awesome! Right kid?" When he got no response he looked around in concern. "Uh...Kid?"

"Down...here…"

Devimon looking down and noticed that his foot was on top of Liam. He was so distracted by his digivolution that he had forgotten he was perched on Liam's shoulder.

"Whoops! Sorry pal."

He lifted his foot off of him, allowing him to get up off the floor. As he stood up, he looked up at Devimon and smiled.

"Looking good buddy."

"And feelin' good," replied Devimon before he turned his attention to Kuwagamon, who was preoccupied with Sorcerymon. Liam followed his gaze before a smirk formed on his face.

"What do you say we teach that overgrown dung beetle a lesson?"

"Kid, you just read my mind."

Meanwhile, Kuwagamon was furiously trying to get rid of Sorcerymon, but it was proving to be easy said than done. He was getting very annoyed with all this fighting.

"Hey, bub!"

Kuwagamon turned around only to receive a hard kick to the face. The kick was strong enough to send him flying through a tree. When he got up he saw a newly digivolved Devimon giving him the bird. He was so mad that a tick mark appeared on his head.

"You won't get away with that; I'll kill you slowly!"

Devimon simply ignored him and turned his attention to Sorcerymon. "So, I noticed you could use some help. Wanna tag team this asshole?"

"Hmph, Why not. Let's make it quick. My programmes gonna be on in an hour."

"You mean ' _The Young and the Digital'_? I love that show! Did you see the one when-"

"Scissor Claw!"

They both jumped to the side to avoid the attack.

"Do you mind bub? We were having a conversation," said Devimon as he got in his fight stance.

"It was a little rude of you to interrupt." Commented Sorcerymon.

"I'll kill you al-"

"Deadly Nail!"

Kuwagamon scream out in pain as he felt Devimon's claws slash his face. It only got worse from there.

"My turn! Crystal Barrage!"

The impact of the various ice crystal was eough to bring Kuwagamon to his knees. He tried to regain his balance but he wasn't given the chance.

"And now for the finishing touch; Laser Wing!"

Devimon flapped his wings, sending twin beams of wing shaped energy at Kuwagamon. They exploded on contact. When the smoke cleared they saw Kuwagamon lying on the ground: unconscious.

"Mikaela, now!" Said Sorcerymon.

Mikaela pulled out her digivice and pointed it at Kuwagamon. "Digivice: Capture!"

A beam of light shot out of the device and landed on Kuwagamon. His body glowed as it was converted to data and sucked into the Digivice. When it was over, Kuwagamon was gone.

"Alright, we did it!" Exclaimed Liam as he ran towards Devimon, who had digi-converted back into Demidevimon. When he reached him, he pulled him into a hug. "You were awesome buddy!"

"Damn right I was! And the best part is that we managed to tie up the loose ends."

"Not quite," said Mikaela as she made her way over to them. They immediately stopped their celebration as she stood in front of them; an innocent smile was on her face.

"You two are under arrest."


	3. Chapter 2: Running, Pizza & boobs

"This is totally unfair." I moaned as I was dragged via handcuff by a crazy super cop and her walking candlestick.

"Would you stop whining already? You wanna end up like your accomplice?" she asked.

I took a quick glance at my "accomplice" and cringed. His mouth was kept shut by what looked like a really big piece of duct tape. Despite that, he managed to throw in a few muffled obscenities, most of them directed at Candlemon who dragged him by a chain connected to cuffs. I looked down at my own handcuffs for a minute before a thought occurred to me.

"So let me get this straight: you're walking around in black skinny jeans, have a walking candle as your partner and carry handcuffs wherever you go. Is that correct?"

"Yes, why?"

"...Man, you must be kinky in bed."

' _I'm such an ass.'_ I thought as I ducked under a shoe that probably would've taken my head off. I didn't even bother hiding the smile on my face as I watched her face go redder than a baboon's butt. I probably shouldn't be teasing the girl who has me in handcuffs but you know us sociopaths.

"You…that is... _I'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING OF THE SORT_!"

Even though it was muffled, I'm pretty sure I heard Demidevimon mutter "Why am I not surprised?" before promptly being shut up by her glare. As much as I wanted to continue pissing her off, I doubted I'd be able to dodge her shoe of death a second time. So, as she retrieved said death-shoe, I decided to try my hand at talking my way out of this.

"Look Michelle-"

"My name is Mikaela."

"Whatever, just listen. This is just a big misunderstanding. I honestly had nothing to do with whatever it is that Demidevimon did. So if you could just remove these handcuffs, I'll just be on my way and we can all pretend this never happened."

I could could feel Demidevimon's glare burning through the back of my head, but it's not like I have much of a choice. The last thing I needed was a criminal record on my first day in this messed up place. Unfortunately my words had little effect on Mikaela. She just sent another glare my way before dragging me by my handcuffs again. She didn't even look at me when she spoke.

"Even if I did believe you - which I don't -you still helped a criminal resist arrest. Therefore, you're just as guilty as he is."

"Criminal? Oh, come on lady! All he did was pull a few harmless pranks."

That must've got her attention because she immediately stopped walking, causing me to almost crash into her. From the corner of my eye, I noticed Candlemon looking at me like I grew a second head.

"Pranks? pranks?!" She turned to face me and nearly made me piss my pants with her glare. "That little beach ball with wings stole eighty pounds of digi-food!"

I blinked in confusion before giving my response. "Digi-food? EIGHTY POUNDS?!" I turned to Demidevimon who was still trying to wiggle out of his cuffs. "You told me you just pulled a few pranks!"

He looked at me a second before shrugging, as if I had just asked for the time. I couldn't believe it. I jumped on the back of a giant beetle monster _..._ got arrested by the person I helped to fight said monster...all because he was _hungry_?!

"I'LL KILL YOU!"

He must've realised how pissed I was because he immediately started running (or flying? Eh). But I wasn't going to let him get off that easily, so I immediately gave chase. If my mind weren't so filled with rage I probably would've noticed that our captors had let go of the chains, in favor of watching me chase the little devil-bat around.

"Should we tell him about the other offences?" asked Candlemon. Mikaela thought about it a second before replying.

"Hmmm...no. I think it's better that he doesn't know. Got any popcorn?"

* * *

 _Meanwhile, something freaky was going on in the- wait a minute, how can I know this part when I wasn't even there? You know what, I'm just going to let the story tell itself for a while. You don't mind, do you? Great. Ugh, I need some water; I'm parched. Whatever that Morgan Freeman guy gets paid, it ain't enough._

* * *

Howls of viscous digimon filled the dark area. While most digimon hid in the shadows, hoping to ambush unsuspecting victims, one figure walked in the open, her cloak hiding all her features. She didn't care that she was making herself look like a potential victim; she knew very well that she had nothing to fear.

She paused at the sound of a twig snapping, following by the sound of growling. Slowly, she turned and saw three Gururumon stalking toward her. The malevolent intent in their eyes was clear as day. Once they were close enough, they pounced, claws ready to rip her to shreds. But she did not move. She simply waited until the right moment, before whispering one word:

" _Slap_."

Her movements were so fast that it was as if she hadn't moved at all. The Gururumon didn't stand a chance. One by one they fell with a single strike. Injured but not dead, they slowly got up and turned to face her. They were more cautious now. They now knew she was a powerful opponent. One of them decided to be brave and jumped her again. Just as it's claws were inches away from her face, she swerved to the side, using the momentum to send a hard kick to its side, sending it straight through a tree. She turned towards the other two and stared at them for a moment.

"Boo."

With that, they ran. She huffed and muttered "amateurs" before walking away. She had a set destination in mind and it didn't take long before she reached it. In front of her stood an extremely large mansion. Its walls were painted jet black with splashes of red here and there. The mansion gave off an aura of fear and evil that she had long since become used to. She walked up to a set of huge doors and placed her hand on it.

"From the light comes the dark." She muttered.

Suddenly, the doors began to move themselves. Once they were open, she walked inside, and heard the doors close behind her. She walked down a dark hallway until coming across yet another set of doors. She stopped in front of them and knocked three times, then waited a minute before the doors opened themselves. They led to a large circular room. The walls were painted blood red and a large chandelier hung over the center of the room. Despite this the room was almost completely dark. The only light came from a crystal ball on a round table in the center of the room. Around it stood four silhouettes. One turned towards her, revealing its intimidating red eyes.

"Agent LD, you've returned." He greeted. While you could not see his body, the shape of it was slightly draconic, yet slightly humanoid. Three sharp claws were at the end of both its arms and three horns grew on its head; two of them jutted out the sides of his head while the third grew on its snout.

"Did you find the boy?" asked the second silhouette.

"Yes, but I'm afraid there were some...complications. "

Now she had their attention. All four silhouettes turned to her, their red eyes practically glowing with interest. The first silhouette spoke again.

"What kind of complications?"

"By the time I got to him, he had already partnered up with another digimon."

A heavy silence washed over the room. The four silhouettes looked at each other but didn't say a word. It was as if they were reading each other's minds. She waited anxiously for them to say something. She absolutely hated suspense. The second silhouette, who had been silent up till now, finally spoke.

"Who is his partner?" it asked. Its appearance was similar to the first, except he did not bear any draconic features. His body was extremely slender and two swords were strapped to his back.

The question caught her off guard. She took a second to process his question before replying. "A Demidevimon."

The third silhouette stroked its chin, as if thinking of all the possible outcomes to this change of events. This one's appearance was similar to the second except his body was bulkier. His right hand held a shield while his left held a large lance. A long cape waved on his back as he turned to his comrades and nodded. They returned the nod before turning their attention back to her.

"That's fine."

"W-What?" she stuttered, hoping she had heard wrong. "You...You can't be serious."

"I don't see why not. A dark digimon- any dark digimon- will give him a slight advantage, however small." Said the fourth silhouette. This was the largest silhouette, of a body similar to that of a large serpent; his head had a rectangular shape.

"But there's no way they'll be strong enough to-"

"Not at the moment. We'll have to wait until they get stronger before we can begin. It's all we can do for now," the draconic silhouette stated.

"And it's not like he'll be alone. There's still the other three to think about." Chuckled the humanoid silhouette.

She stood there a moment before sighing in frustration. She then abruptly turned and walked out the door, slamming it on the way. The humanoid silhouette turned to his comrades.

"Well, she's just a ray of sunshine today isn't she?"

"She's just concerned. The balance of the digital world will depend on that boy and his partner. It's understandable that she's not exactly happy with this predicament. She just has to understand that good things come to those who wait." The third silhouette commented, as he looked into the crystal ball. He saw the boy trying to strangle his partner (despite that fact that he didn't have a neck). He sighed.

"It's going to be a long wait." Chuckled the humanoid silhouette.

* * *

"What the hell is that?" I asked, staring down at a weird glowing square that wired to the forest floor.

"It's a digiport." Answered Candlemon.

"Pot?! Now you're talkin' my language!" I yelled with excitement. It's about time something good happened to me in the world!

"DigiPORT!" he yelled. "It'll take us back to Digi-City E."

"Oh...do I still get pot?"

My question went unanswered (I'll take that as a maybe) as Mikaela just sighed and walked over to the digi-not-pot thing. She probably would've stepped onto it if it weren't for the fact I wasn't following. She raised an eyebrow at my defiance, before tugging on the chain again. I still didn't budge, causing her to let out an agitated sigh.

"Alright, what is it this time?"

"I'm not stepping on that thing."

"And why not?" she groaned. I'm pretty sure I saw her right eye twitch a little.

"Well first of all, I have no idea where that thing will take me. Second of all, I don't want to." I stated with a grin spread across my face. Hey, if I'm gonna get arrested for something I had no idea about then I might as well make it as funny as possible right? She pinched the bridge of her nose and groaned in annoyance.

"Are you always this difficult, or are you just incapable of taking this situation seriously?"

"Hmm...A little of column A and a little of column B."

She groaned again before tugging on my chain, causing me to trip and ultimately fall. Fortunately, she caught me before I ended up kissing the forest floor. Unfortunately, once she caught me she practically threw me onto the digiport. I landed face-first before feeling a strange sensation crawling up my body. The digiport began to glow and the sensation intensified. I was then enveloped in a blinding light. I closed my eyes to avoid going blind.

I was unable to move as the strange sensation took over. This reminded me too much of my nightmare and I began to panic. Just as quickly as it came, the strange sensation disappeared. I opened my eyes only for my mind to be blown at what I saw next.

"What the…?"

Just as Candlemon said, the digi-port transported me to a city- but it wasn't like any city I've ever seen. Everything was all….futuristic-y. All the buildings were a weird mix of cyan and red. I didn't see any house but I did see a lot people and digimon walking onto digiports before disappearing.

"Woah…."

There was a flash next to me before Mikaela suddenly appeared, with Candlemon following soon after.

"Alright, let's go," she said as she lifted me back on my feet. And with that, we were back to square one except this time I was too busy staring at everything to tease my captor. There were so many people and digimon walking around. Each digimon was different. There were ones that looked like normal animals, ones that looked like plants and a bunch of others that I couldn't even begin to identify. I even saw a guy with brown hair standing next to a little orange lizard. He was talking to another guy wearing goggles and a red vest, standing next to a little red lizard with a microphone. I was so distracted that I almost didn't notice a certain bat digimon trying to get my attention.

" _Psst_. Kid. _Psst_." He whispered, snapping me out of my trance. I turned and saw Demidevimon hovering in front of me. But that's not the detail that caught my attention.

"Hey, you're not wearing your ha-Hmmm!" He cut me off by placing his - hopefully clean - claw over my mouth before placing one of his talons over his mouth.

"SSHHH! You want us to get caught?" He whispered. I looked at Mikaela who, thankfully, hadn't heard me before looking back at Demidevimon and shaking my head.

"Good, now hold still." He whispered. He then literally pulled a frighteningly big syringe out of nowhere and stuck the needle in the keyhole of my handcuffs. After a few jerks and swears, a _click_ a sound was heard. Next thing I knew, my handcuffs were off.

"Impressive. How'd you do that?" I asked as I rubbed my sore wrists.

"Eh, I'm a scoundrel; lock-picking just comes naturally. Now let's cut these turds loose." He said, referring to Mikaela and Candlemon. There was no need to tell me twice. With that, he perched himself on my head while I ran in some random direction away from Super Cop and Candle Boy. Once I was sure we had lost them, I ran into an alley to catch my breath.

"Looks like we lost em." Demidevimon said as he looked back the way we came.

"Yeah but...now what?" I said between gasps. It was a valid question when you think about it. I mean, here I am, stuck in a world that I know nothing about, where everyone except for Demidevimon is a stranger who may want to either arrest me or kill me - not to mention the fact I have nowhere to sleep…you know, in retrospect, maybe jail isn't so bad.

"Well, I know what I'm gonna do," said Demidevimon as he flew off of my head in some random direction.

"H-Hey! Wait up," I yelled. I knew I probably shouldn't be following the pers- uh- digimon who got me into this mess but if you've got any better ideas, feel free to let me know.

"So...where are you going?" I asked after I caught up to him.

"To get some grub of course. I'm starving." He said causing me to facepalm.

"Of course you are…" I muttered. It was at that moment that my stomach decided to be an ass (get it?) and growl in hunger. It was so sudden that it would've scared the crap out of me if there were anything in there to digest.

' _You know, now that I think about it, I don't think I've eaten anything since I woke up._ '

* * *

Mikaela was in a particularly good mood. Not only had she caught her intended criminal, but two more to boot!

"We are _so_ getting a bonus for this." She sang proudly.

"I'm just glad we didn't come back empty-handed." Replied Candlemon.

"True dat. I could already imagine Ryan's dumb voice mocking us if that happened." She said, before making her voice ridiculously low and doing her best Ryan impression.

" _Geeze Mikaela, I guess this makes me the most capable member of the team._ " She said before changing her voice back to normal. "The nerve of that guy. But that won't happen now, because we caught Demidevimon and then some."

If they weren't so busy feeling prideful, they probably would've found Liam and Demidevimon's lack of response a little suspicious, but alas, they did not.

"Hey Mikaela!" a distant voice yelled. She turned to her left and smiled at what she saw. Demi, one of her best friends, was making her way towards her; her partner Dorumon tight in her arms. She wore tight black jeans and short black leather boots. Her hair was kept to her right and she wore a dark blue vest beneath a studded leather jacket.

"Hey Demi," she greeted.

"Hi Candlemon!" greeted Dorumon.

"Hello Dorumon."

"So me and Jodie are heading to Access Beach later, and were wondering if you'd like to come with us?" asked Demi, giving her a hopeful smile. She hated that smile. It was always so adorable that it made you to do whatever she asked. Demi knew this quite well. In fact, she tended to use it to her advantage pretty much every other day. It nearly broke Mikaela's heart in two to have to say no to her.

"Sorry Demi, but I have to get these two criminals back to base. Maybe later?"

Demi blinked in confusion before looking behind Mikaela. All she saw were a pair of handcuffs being dragged by their chains. Now, Demi may not have been the smartest tamer in her squad - far from it actually - but she didn't need to be a genius to see that something was definitely wrong here.

"Um...what criminals?"

"Um...these crimina-" She cut herself off, realising that Liam and Demidevimon had been suspiciously quiet: strange for a pair of nitwits who always had something to say. She looked at Candlemon, who looked right back at her before slowly turning their attention to what should have been Liam and Demidevimon. Instead, all they saw were two handcuffs, dragged on the floor.

"Um...Mikaela, are you okay?" asked Dorumon when he saw Mikaela's right eye start to twitch. Due to the amount of rage waves she was emitting, Candlemon decided that it would probably be safer for him to back away...slowly.

"As soon as I get my hands on those dolts…" she muttered. Demi could've sworn the temperature around her got lower. Not wanting to get between her and whichever poor soul got her angry - an angry Mikaela is a devil Mikaela - she decided to do the smart thing and leave.

"Uhh...you know what? I'll just tell Jo you can't make it. Let's go Dorumon." She said before making a hasty retreat.

"Now what are we gonna do?" Moaned Candlemon.

Mikaela took a deep breath and held it for a few second before letting it out. She then reached into her pocket and pulled out her digivice. "I know exactly what to do," she muttered darkly, before pressing the communication button and holding it to her ear like an everyday cellphone. "Hey Nanami? I need back up."

* * *

I suddenly stopped walking and shuddered, causing Demidevimon to stop and look at me like I grew a second head. "You okay kid?"

"Yeah I...just felt weird chill go up my spine." I muttered. It definitely weirded me out considering that it's quite hot today. Or at least I think it is. I have no idea what the normal temperature is in this world.

"Eh, it's probably nothing. Now come on; I'm starving!" He moaned for the fifth time since we started walking. I shrugged and went back to following him. As we walked around hopelessly, I decided to look around. That's when I noticed something. Almost all the digimon in this area looked...kinda creepy. Like, really creepy. For example, I saw a very fancifully dressed vampire talking to a very evil looking dragon that kinda reminded me of Devimon. They noticed me staring and waved at me. Not wanting to be rude, I awkwardly waved back before I suddenly walked face first into what I really hoped wasn't Demidevimon's butt.

"Argh! That ain't right man!" I exclaimed while rubbing the Demidevimon off my face. "Give me a warning next time will ya!"

"We're here!" he declared.

I grumbled a few very unkind words before turning my attention to whatever the hell he was talking about. In front of us was a restaurant with a large sign that said _Raremon's Digi-eats_. I hesitantly followed Demidevimon inside and was immediately smacked in the face with the aroma of delicious food.

"Trust me kid, you haven't lived until you've tried the food here." Stated Demidevimon as we made our way to an empty seat. Once seated, a small red bird came flying over with two menus held in its talons.

"Here are your menus. I recommend the mediumRaremon burger, it's our bestseller." It said say it placed our menus on the table.

"Oh, I'll take that." Said Demidevimon. They both looked at me, waiting for my decision. Not knowing what else to do, I shrugged and said "Uh...I'll take that too." I heard a gasp from behind me before I was suddenly turned around in my chair. Next thing I knew I was staring into a pair of sky blue eyes.

"Are you crazy?!"

"Uh...wha-"

"Everyone knows that the best food here is the Maremon pizza! You bring shame to your taste buds otherwise!" He yelled before turning my table again and placing a hand of my shoulder. "Hawkmon, give this guy your best pizza, pronto!"

"Alright." The digimon now known as Hawkmon said as he scribbled our orders down on a notepad that he seemed to pull out of nowhere. "One mediumRaremon burger and one Meramon pizza. Anything else?"

"That'll be all my good mon!"

With that, the little bird flew away. I blinked in confusion as I tried to figure out what the hell just happened while What's-His-Name took a seat next to me. "Phew, that was close. Looks like you owe me pal." He stated, causing me to give him a "You're kidding, right?" stare. I took this opportunity to get a better look at him: he had curly brown hair, very light skin and was about the same size as me. He was wearing a grey vest, blue jeans and a pair of glasses. He wasn't alone. He was with a little purple lizard, who had decided to take a seat next to Demidevimon.

"So, I've never seen you around here before. What's your name?" he asked while giving me either the happiest or the dopiest smile I've ever seen.

"Uh...I'm Liam."

"And I'm Demidevimon!" Yelled the little bat. This caused almost everyone in the restaurant to stop what they were doing and stare at him which caused me to facepalm myself while Whatever-His-Name-Is just chuckled.

"Love the enthusiasm bat-bro!" he said before turning his attention to me again. "My name's Ryan and this is my partner, Monodramon." He said while pointing at the purple lizard thing. Said purple lizard just waved at me and said 'Hi there'. "So, what brings you to good old D.C.E? Business? Family? Migration? Come on, you can tell me."

"Well, actually…." I trailed off, trying to decide whether I could trust these guys or not. On one hand, this guy looks looks and sounds like a total loon and his partner looks like the son of Barney. Plus, I don't even know these guys so why should I trust them? But on the other hand, trusting someone I don't know is what got me into this mess in the first place so what's the harm in doing it again? Right?

"I...actually have no idea how I got here." He seemed to mull over my statement for a minute before smiling again.

"Ah, I know exactly what you mean."

"Seriously?!" I asked, filled with hope. Maybe I wasn't the only one with this problem. If so, maybe he knew how I could get home. There might still be hope!

"Sure. I can't tell you how many times we've woken up with a hangover in an entirely different city."

"It happens to us almost every other day." Commented Monodramon.

Remember that stuff I said about there being hope for me? I take it all back. I sat there giving them a "Are you kidding me?" stare that they either ignored or were too oblivious to notice. I continued to do this until an orange monkey came and gave us the food we ordered which they immediately dug into. They're lack of table manners didn't really disgust me - it's not like I'm any better - but what did freak me out watching Demidevimon eat his burger in one bite...with no hands. See where I'm going with this?

"So, you liking Digi-City E so far? Sure, it's not as big as Digi-City N but its got that nice, homey feel to it. Ya know what I mean?" He said before going back to eating MY pizza. I was amazed that he actually managed to say all that in one breath with food in his mouth.

"Actually, this is the only place I've been to in this City." I said as I hesitantly lifted a small slice of pizza. I wasn't sure if it was safe to eat it but since he seemed to be doing fine I guess it's safe and if not, well, at least I'll have a buddy to die with.

"What?! Dude, that is the saddest thing I've ever heard!" he yelled, nearly choking on the pizza in the process.

"Well actually-Nghya!" I was cut off when he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into a one-armed, totally-not-gay, side-bro-hug.

"Worry not my friend! For I and my partner will show you around our fair city even if it kills us! Or at least until we get bored," he said before slamming what I think was money onto the table, then dragging me out of the restaurant with Demidevimon and Monodramon following.

 _'This won't end well.'_ I thought to myself.

* * *

"And that's the public restroom. Lots of people and digimon go there to "relieve stress." I go there to pay my bills and other fun activities and blah blah blah blah, blah blah. Blah blah? BLAH BLAH!"

I groaned as Ryan continued to go on and on about the public restroom. This tour started off cool - I learn about the digi-centre, the hospital and a few shops, but now it's just suckish. Honestly, these two can make an entire conversation out of anything. Is this what it's like talking to me?

" _Psst_ , Kid." I looked up at the sound of what I seriously hope isn't gonna be my new nickname for the rest of this fanfiction, to find Demidevimon staring at me with a ridiculously bored expression.

"What is it?" I whispered

"Let's ditch these guys and do something fun."

"What? No! These are the only guys who haven't tried to capture and/or kill me all day. The least I could do is stay around for a lousy tour."

"But they're so boring!"

"Well too bad!" I half yelled, half whispered. I guess Ryan must've noticed that we were no longer listening because he suddenly turned to us again, causing me to stop in my tracks.

"Yo, are guys even listening?"

"Uuuh...yes?"

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, we totally were."

"Then what did he say?" asked Monodramon

"Uuh…" I tried to remember what he had said but kept coming up with nothing. I looked at Demidevimon for help but all he did was shrug. So I just decided 'to hell with it' and pulled something out of my ass. "You said, and I quote: "Blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah, blah bla? Blah blah, blah" and then something about the public restroom."

"...Lucky guess." said Ryan before getting back to the tour. I actually tried to pay attention to this but he was SUCH a bad tour guide. "And if you'll look to your left, you'll see a wall. Me and Monodramon like to use it when the restroom is occupied. And if you'll look to the right, you'll see an angry-looking girl marching towards us."

"Wait wha-"

"YOU!" I was cut off by the the sound of a very familiar angry voice. I turned and went pale at the sight of Super Cop and Candle Boy and _geeze_ did they look pissed.

"Uh, kid? I think now would be a really good time to, you know, get the hell outta here!" said Demidevimon who had an expression of panic on his face.

"No need to tell me twice," I said before turning to Ryan and grabbing his hand. "Thanks for the tour but we gotta go. See ya!" I said as I hastily shook his hand before making a break for it.

"Get back here! When I get my hands on you-!" I heard her yell. There was actually more to that but for the sake you readers I left it out.

"Faster kid, they're gaining on us!" yelled Demidevimon.

It was at that point that I put the peddle to the metal, but do keep in mind that I am FAR from being physically fit by any means. I had to loose her...but how? It was then that I saw an alley nearby. If it worked once then I didn't see why it couldn't work again. Oh how foolish I was. I turned and ran down the alley, only for my vision to go black when I crashed into something…incredibly soft? The impact must've forced Demidevimon off of my head because I heard him yelp.

' _Did I...just die_?' I thought, not knowing what else this could've been. Whatever these things were, they were starting to suffocate me, but they were so soft I didn't really care that much. They were like pillows that smelled like...lavender?

' _If this is death then I should've committed suicide a long time ago._ ' I thought. Suddenly, I felt something grab onto my shoulders and gently push me away from the heavenly pillows. My vision returned and blinked as I tried to deduce what the hell just happened. I looked up and immediately had a nose bleed. Before me was a tall woman with long red hair and fair skin. The stare from her dazzling teal eyes felt like they were looking right through me. She smiled at me and spoke in a sultry voice.

"Enjoying yourself down there?" I had no idea what she was talking about until I look downwards and saw where my head was - and still is - before turning my attention back to her face. I'm pretty sure I must've had the stupidest smile on my now red face. She didn't even wait for me to reply before speaking. "So, wanna go again?" With my brain currently being mush at the moment, all I could was dumbly nod my head and mumble something incoherent.

 **BONK!**

"... _ow_ …" I mumbled as I tried to pull my face out of the now cratered floor, but was forced back down by a foot to my back. I turned my head and saw the redhead send me a glare. Only one thing went through my mind:

 _'Totally worth it.'_

"You are under arrest."

' _Oh come on!_ ' I thought as I tried to squirm out from under her (never thought I'd say that before) but she was surprisingly strong. I briefly wondered why all the women in this city wanted to put me in handcuffs (and not in the fun way) before something insignificant suddenly came to my rescue.

"HEY!" Yelled Demidevimon as he suddenly grabbed two handfuls of her hair and pulled. This caused her to yelp and stumble backwards, allowing me to sit up.

"No one sticks their foot on the kid but me!" he stated as he continued to pull on her hair. She cursed and tried to grab him but he was a surprisingly nimble little bat.

"Bonfire!"

Suddenly, a small fireball came out of nowhere and hit Demidevimon right in the face. "Demidevimon!" I yelled. I tried to run towards him but was tackled by something tiny. I turned my head to see Mikaela huffing and groaned. "You again? Don't you have anything better to do?" I said before hearing Demidevimon yelp. I turned my head and saw the boob lady placing cuffs on his claws and boy, did she look pissed. I groaned and planted my forehead on the floor before mumbling "Great, the one time women chase after me and I don't even like it."

* * *

"Thanks again for the help, Nanami." Said Candlemon as we (by which I mean they dragged me and Demidevimon) went into a large building. Inside were many people and digimon walking around.

"Not a problem. Just try not to loose your criminal from now on okay?" The woman, now known as Nanami, said before walking away to do….whatever. It has nothing to do with this part of the story. Speaking of which:

"Please keep an eye on them Candlemon. I gotta register this Kuwagamon," said Mikaela before walking to the counter to talk to….a giant yellow piece of shit with a mouth.

 _'I think I'm gonna be sick.'_

She returned five minutes later with a very confused look on her face. Part me of wanted to say "Welcome to my life" but I decided to shut my yap...for now.

"What's wrong Mikaela?" asked Candlemon.

"Um, it seem that the chief wants to see us."

"Huh? But why?"

"I have no idea." She said, before they both turned the their attention to us.

"Don't look at us. We've done all our mischief for today." I said. They then looked at Demidevimon who just shrugged in response.

* * *

As Demidevimon and I were being dragged through a hallway, I couldn't help but wonder what kind of punishment awaited me. It must be pretty bad if I'm being called to see the chief in person. I wondered what kind of person the chief was - after all, the only thing I knew about her was that she's a woman, and a damn scary one to boot. That fact wasn't exactly reassuring. Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn and all that.

I wasn't sure how long we had been walking but we eventually ended up in front of a set of large doors. I gulped as I watched Mikaela slowly reach for the knob, as if touching it would burn her skin right off. Her partner wasn't doing all that good either. It wasn't all that hard to notice the flame on his head getting slightly smaller.

Once the doors were open, we slowly walked inside. The room was quite large, kinda like the gym of a high school or maybe the football field. I dunno, I was too scared to really pay it any mind. That's when Mikaela suddenly stopped, cause me to almost crash into her. She sent a glare at me before turning to something in front of her and saluting.

"Chief Ave, Mastemon, I have brought the criminals as you requested." She said before stepping aside, giving me a clear view of the chief. At the end of the room was a large monitor. In front of the monitor stood a tall, blonde woman. She looked like your typical _anime_ scientist, what with her long white lab coat and snazzy glasses that gave her a somewhat sophisticated look. But what really caught my attention was the woman standing next to her, or at least what I think is a woman. She had long blonde hair and wore black tough-looking armour. But her most distinguishing feature was probably the wings growing out from her back. On one half, her wings looked like that of an angel. The were as white as snow and looked absolutely soft to the touch. But on the other half were black, leathery wings that looked like a bat's. The chief looked at me for a moment, making me feel as uncomfortable as hell, before a small smile spread across her lips.

"Ah, so you're the boy who's been causing so much trouble." She said, before looking at Demidevimon. She raised an eyebrow before speaking again. "And you're the digimon who's been causing even more trouble. You have quite the track record you know." She said as she pulled a folder out of nowhere and started reading through it. "Vandalism, theft, assault in the form of throwing multiple objects at a tamer (mainly Mikaela)...the list goes on." she said before looking at him again. "You probably would've gotten away with some of these if you hadn't signed all of them."

"I take pride in my mischief." He stated.

"So it seems." She sighed before turning her attention to me. "And it seem you've gained an accomplice. Tell me boy, what's your name?"

"M-My name is Liam...Ma'am."

"Hmmm…." She trailed off. I did NOT feel comfortable under that stare. It felt like she was looking into my very soul with those eyes. After what felt like an eternity, she finally spoke. "You're a very interesting person, you know that?"

"Uhh..I am?"

"Yes." she said. Suddenly, an image of me appeared on the screen behind her. "There is no data on you in any known databank; it's as if you don't even exist and yet, here you are."

"There's also the fact that you have a digivice, meaning you must be a tamer, but you're don't seem to be registered in any digi-city." Stated her partner, Mastemon I think.

"W-Well you see I-"

"But on a lighter note, you did manage to do some good." Said Ave as a picture of that red bug thing appeared on the monitor. "We've been after this digimon for weeks. If it weren't for you helping Mikaela and Candlemon when you did (I heard Mikaela mumble "hardly" in response) he might have gotten away again. For this, I thank you."

"Oh...well...you're welcome?"

That small smile from earlier immediately vanished as her words came out of her mouth. "But the fact still remains that you and Demidevimon have done far more harm than good and therefore must be punished." I gulped as she continued. "So as punishment, I'm having your digivice confiscated-"

 _'Oh, that's not so bad.'_

"-and sentencing you to a month of community service."

" **NOOOOOOOOO**!" I screamed, scaring the crap outta everyone in the room as I fell to my knees. "Please, anything but that! I'll serve anyone but the community!"

"Now you wait just a second!"

Everyone stopped what they were doing (which was staring at me like I grew a third head) and looked at Demidevimon. "You can punish me however you want. I probably deserve it. But you leave kid outta this; he's innocent!"

The chief raised an eyebrow before responding. "I'm sorry Demidevimon but-"

"Sorry my ass lady!" He yelled. Mastemon growled and was about to make her way towards him, probably to kick his ass, but was stopped by the chief.

"Now listen here, Liam had nothing to with any of this. I tricked him into helping me escape! So if anyone is going to get punished, it should be me!" The whole room went silent after that. No one knew what to say in response to his words.

"Demidevimon…." I mumbled in awe. I guess he's not as weasely as I thought. He's still pretty weasely though.

"You realise that if I let the boy go, you will still be punished right?" The chief asked to which he simply nodded. There was a tense silence in the air before she spoke again. "To risk being punished to help a friend is not only unexpected, but also rather admirable of you Demidevimon." She said before turning her attention back to me. "And I suppose he DID help Mikaela and Candlemon. Plus, based on the report, he does show potential in battle," she mumbled before nodding. Suddenly, a creepy smile began to stretch across her face. "You know, I think I have a solution that might benefit both of us." She said as she started to walk towards us.

"You do?" me and Demidevimon asked simultaneously.

"Indeed," she as she stood in front of us. She put her hand on my shoulder and spoke. "You show much promise as a tamer and it'd be a waste to just throw that away. So I'll make you a deal: since your digivice has bonded to Demidevimon anyway, I won't punish you-"

"Woohooo!" I cheered.

"-If you agree to join T.P.U."

"Wo- wait what?"

"You heard me."

I blinked before speaking. "So my choices are working for you or work for the community?"

"Pretty much."

"...How are those choices different in any way?!"

"Well for one thing, you get payed. Secondly, we will supply you with a home as well. So do we have a deal?"

I'm pretty sure that the choice I made is obvious but I still took a moment to think because, well, what's a good story without a little suspense right? So I weighed my choices. On one hand I get a free home and a paying job while on the other hand I'm also very lazy and work is just….too much work. Eh, still beats community service. Though there was still one factor I needed to consider.

"What do you think Demidevimon?" I asked. I didn't want to force him into a job he didn't want, especially after that heartwarming speech of his. He was quiet for a moment but after a minute or so, he sent me a smile and nodded. I smiled back before turning my attention back to the scary blonde. "Alright Chief, you got yourself a deal," I announced as I shook her hand.

"Wonderful! I'll go tell Sukamon to-"

"There you are!"

We all turned our attention to the entrance of the room. Standing there with the same goofy smile from earlier were Ryan and Monodramon. "Sup chief."

"Ryan? What are you doing here?" yelled Mikaela. I was surprised that the only two humans in this city I knew apparently knew _each other._ Huh, who knew?

"I came to see my bro yo." He said as he walked over.

"You two know this boy?" the chief asked.

"Heck you yeah we do!" he unnecessarily yelled.

"We met him in the city and showed him around." Stated Monodramon.

"So what's going on here? Are we planning a party? I call streamer duty!"

"No Ryan. Our friends here simply decided to join T.P.U.," She stated, obviously referring to me and Demidevimon. Everything was silent for a few second as he tried to process what he just heard. When it finally sunk in, he let out the loudest squeal I had ever heard.

"Can they be on our squad?! Please please please PLEASE?!" he begged.

"Ab-so-lutely not!" yelled Mikaela as she marched over. She did not look pleased.

"Pfft, you just want them to join your squad don't you?! Well too bad; I want a bro-pal!" yelled Ryan.

"First of all, we're on the same squad ya twit. Second of all, I did not chase him all over town just so to end up sharing a tamer home with him! I can barely handle you and Kouta!"

"I have to move in with you?

"Quiet you!"

"Now now, everyone just calm down." Said the Chief, who looked quite amused by all this. "Now Mikaela, I don't see reason for them to not join squad six. You are down a member after all."

"But they-"

"Too late. Ryan, Monodramon, be dears and show them to your tamer home while I have him registered will you?"

"Woohoo! I always win!" he yelled before grabbing Monodramon and running out.

"Hey, wait for us!" yelled Demidevimon as he flew after them. I watched him go before turning to Mikaela.

"So new roommate, can I be unhandcuffed now?"

* * *

"It's about time we showed you two to our humble abode." Said Ryan as we stepped off of the digiport.

"I'll say- this chapter's almost over." I commented as I looked around. The whole place was like one big beach house, which is a huge step up from the dump I used to live in.

"Swanky place ya got here." Said Demidevimon, who was sitting on a very unamused Mikaela's head.

"Get off of me!" she said, trying to swat him away like a fly. Once he was off, she started walking away with Candlemon following her. "Today's been a very long day for me so if you don't mind, I'm going to go take a VERY long shower."

"Oh, I'll joi-" He never got to finish that sentence due to him getting hit in the face with Mikaela's Death Shoe.

"Huh, so that's how she developed that reflex."

I was about to check on him (or steal his wallet. Whichever you prefer) when suddenly, the digiport started to glow. When the light faded, I was face to face with a boy who didn't look any older than eight years old. He wore a black beanie -though you could still see small pieces of red hair sticking out- a yellow sweatshirt, black pants and a pair of sneakers. In his arms was a purple…something. I think it's a hamster with wings where its ears are supposed to be. We stood there in awkward silence, just staring at each other for while before Demidevimon decided to break the silence.

"Alright, who ordered the midget?"

* * *

 ** _Who found my Easter egg?_**


	4. Chapter 3: Brainal Penetration

**Recap: Liam and Demidevimon make a new friend while on the run from the law. After getting captured and an awkward meeting with the chief, Liam becomes an official tamer for the digital world. Now he is face to face with...an eight year old.**

 **Kouta and Nanami are owned by Overlordpringerx! (Let's not forget thank Overlordpringerx for all the help. Without it, this story would not be as great as it is now!)**

 **Shirley is owned by NonaryNathan999**

 **Travis is owned by Gamerkid134**

 **P.S: am I the only one loving Adventure - Tri right now?**

 **Beta read by CorinnetheAnime, who's stories and beta skills are out of this world!**

* * *

Wow. We've only been here for two minutes, and Demidevimon already ticked someone off. There's gotta be a record for that or something like that because he's clearly been practicing.

"Excuse me?! Who are you calling a-"

And once again, it falls to me to defuse the situation and point out the obvious. Ah, the work of a sociopath is never done.

"Demidevimon, don't be rude!" I scolded him. "What does it matter about what size the pizza guy is? As long as he delivers the goods, he can be whatever size he wants."

"I'm not the-"

"Wait a minute!" I interrupted him...not that we were going to listen anyway. "We didn't order any pizza. But you forgot the pizza anyway. Yo, Mikaella! The pizza boy got the pizza order wrong!"

"Incoming!" Demidevimon yelled.

"Huh? Yikes!" I yelped as I ducked to avoid a dart that he...kinda pulled outta nowhere. It ricocheted off the wall and flew somewhere else. Care to guess where?

"Ugh, man, that smarts." Ryan muttered as he wiped the shoe print off his face. "I had no idea she was a size fo-OW!"

Who guessed right?

He looked down at the dart that was now lodged his upper thigh and groaned again. "Sonnuva-" He probably would've finished that sentence if he hadn't suddenly passed out, causing Monodramon to sigh.

"I'll take him to his room." He moaned as he grabbed his leg. As I watched him drag the now drooling tamer away, I wasn't sure whether I should laugh at the fact that he got hit by a dart...or be freaked out that the pizza guy was armed with darts to begin with.

 _'He must_ _ **really**_ _want that tip.'_

"You have five seconds to identify yourselves, or the next dart will be going through your brain!" He threatened, aiming his dart-or was it a tube-thing at me. Hey, I don't know what that thing is called. I probably would've been scared if it wasn't for the fact that it was so adorable.

Ahh, kids these days...and their deadly weaponry.

"You probably hear this a lot, but could you please point your little weapon somewhere else? I have a strict policy of not passing out unless I'm drunk...or you know, extremely bored. Whichever comes first, really."

Yeah, yeah, I know. I shouldn't be mocking the guy-uh, boy for threatening me with poison darts, but you know what? It's been a long day for me too. I got chased by a deranged police girl and her candle (not as erotic as it sounds, by the way), then got dragged around town by the son of Barney and a guy who clearly hit his head one too many times, then got motorboated by the most glorious pair of boobs I've ever seen (I'm still hearing angel choruses), got arrested from the same deranged police girl from the beginning of this list, and, to top it all off, got forced to become said police girl's partner in justice.

So yeah, Mikaella isn't the only one who could really use a long shower right now.

"Three seconds…." Okay, I think I've officially ticked him off. No wonder Demidevimon and I got along so well.

 _'Ooh, I think I see a vein.'_

"Easy there, Mini-Munch. I live here now..." I explained as I took out my new badge. It looked a lot like Mikaella...except mine was bronze. "See? So how about you just give me that pizza...and then head on back to Santa's workshop?"

"I'm not-"

"By the way, what's with the purple hamster? Is he your mascot or something?" I asked, pointing at the little purple fluff ball in his arms.

"What? No! He's my digimon partner!"

"Wait, you're telling me that even the pizza elf gets a digimon? Man, they're just giving them away."

"I'M NOT THE PIZZA GUY!"

"What is with all the yelling?!" Mikaela asked as she walked into the room. "I can hear you guys from the other side of the house, you know."

"Mikaela, who are these idiots?" The elf asked, pointing at me.

Mikaela just crossed her arms and sighed. "That's Liam and Demidevimon. They're Squad Three's newest members."

 _'Squad Three? Is that what we're called? LAAAME!'_

"New members?" He asked. "What do we need another member for? We're perfectly fine on our own, just the way it is right now."

 _'Hmm, let's see. A fiery tempered cop and her candlestick, a guy and a lizard who put the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional', and a pizza guy holding a devil-may-cry version of Hamtaro. Oh, yeah, they're a capable team alright.'_

"Look, Kouta, I don't like it any more than you do-"

"You lie, you love us." Demidevimon interrupted.

"But this was a choice made by Chief Ave herself, so all we can do now is deal with it."

"What?! That's it?!" I asked. "We saved your life from a giant freaking bug, and that's the introduction we receive?! Which reminds me, when are we getting a 'thank you'?"

She slowly turned to me, her right eye twitching as she spoke. "You're the one who put me in that situation in the first place!"

I scoffed at her response...I mean, yeah it was true, but still... "Details, details. The point is that we came back, didn't we?"

"No, you didn't! You fell through a portal in the sky-Oh, snap!" She suddenly yelled. "I forgot to report that to the Chief!"

And with that, she jumped on that digiport faster than you could say "Pickle-Monkeys". Why would you say that, you may ask? Because it's fun. You should try it….I said, try it. There, wasn't that fun?

I watched her leave, wondering who the heck still says "oh snap" before turning my attention to the gnome who, by the way, was still glaring at me. I was about to ask him about that pizza when a thought occurred to me.

"So, wait, you're a tamer?"

The boy scoffed and folded his arms. "Of course I'm a taimer. Why else would I be here?"

"To give us that pizza we're still waiting for," Demidevimon replied, perching himself on my head again. I swear I'm just going to wear a hat from now on...just to spite him.

"Quiet, you!"

"Man, you are the shortest tamer I've ever seen," I stated, deciding to leaving out the fact that I've only seen three so far.

"I'm not short!" Ooh, a Napoleon complex. I'm gonna have so much fun with that.

 _'No wonder people make fun of your height; it is so much fun!'_

"That's the spirit, pal! Never stop dreaming!"

He growled in frustration, which was the most adorable thing I've ever seen, before yelling at the top of his lungs. "I am of normal height for an eight-year-old!"

"..."

His words echoed through the house. My partner and I (that might take some getting used to) stood there frozen as his statement sunk in. After a minute or so, I was finally able to come up with an intelligent thought.

 _'Whaaaaaaaat?!'_

"Uhh, I think I misheard you, could you repeat that?" I asked.

"I said I'm of normal height for an eight-year-old," he repeated, giving me an odd look.

"Aah, that's what I thought you said. WHAT?!"

This kid had to be messing with me; he just had to be. There was no way, no freaking way, that any responsible adult would hire an eight-year-old as a freaking digi-cop or whatever the heck we're called! That's just not right!

"Can you please stop looking at me like that?! You're freaking me out!" He suddenly yelled. I didn't even notice I was staring so intensively in the first place.

"Hold up a minute, short-stack. You're telling me that the union actually encourages child labor?" Demidevimon asked him.

The kid opened his mouth, no doubt to correct the bat digimon...only to suddenly close it again. He brought his hand to his chin and gave a thoughtful glance. "You know, it never occurred to me...eh, I guess they do."

"...and these are the people who tried to arrest me for theft?!"

"And now, we're one of them. So what, you come back for cookies and nap time?" I asked in a monotone, knowing full well how much of an ass I was being. But you know what?

I really don't care.

"Don't patronize me. I may be young, but I'm still a higher-ranked tamer than you!" He snapped, sending me a fierce death glare.

I fed off that glare.

"But Kouta-!" Whined the….purple thing, who had been pretty quiet up till now. I actually forgot he was there...which was weird. You'd think you'd notice a purple rodent with ear-like wings being carried by an eight-year-old.

Then again, I'm the guy with a talking bat on his head, so what do I know?

"...Isn't that the reason we came back in the first pla-?"

"Quiet! They don't need to know that!"

* * *

"Ahh, now this is what I'm talking about," I sighed, all but throwing myself on my new comfy bed.

After my recent not-so-great welcome, I've managed to convince Kouta to show me my new room (by that, I meant that I trolled him so hard that he if hadn't, I would've slept in his room) and so far, I was loving it. The room was pretty large by my standards, and the walls were a dark shade of blue. To my right was a wooden dresser, and to my left was a walk-in closet. Next to it was a door that led to the private bathroom (I know, my own private bathroom); I did _not_ squeal at the sight of it.

"Oh, yeah, I could definitely get used to this..." The bat digimon sighed, now lying at the end of my QUEEN-SIZED BED! Booyah!

I let out another tired sigh as the mattress practically swallowed me; it was like laying on a giant marshmallow. My eyelids felt like they weighed a ton. I tried to stay awake and savor this moment for as long as I could, but the day's events started to take over.  
Inevitably, my eyes closed, sending me into the land of dreams.

* * *

 _When I opened my eyes again, I was expecting to be back to the comfy bed in my room. But instead, I awoke in the city...or at least, what was left of it._

 _All around me, buildings were utterly destroyed. Some were on fire...while others looked like they would fall any minute. I looked up and saw that the sky was red, and clouds were swirling directly above me. I could see black lightning crackling at the center._

 _The sight captivated me; it made me peaceful, happy even. I tried to shake these thoughts away, but they just kept coming back. I didn't even know if they were my thoughts or...someone else's. I was brought out of my thoughts by the sudden feeling of something weakly struggling in my hand. I looked down and saw something that shook me to my very core._

 _I saw Mikaela, staring at me with an expression of fear and pain. Her neck was being squeezed by my fingers. Bloody tears fell from her eyes as she tried to pry my hand away._

 _I tried to let go of her...but I couldn't; it was as if something was forcing my hand to remain on her neck. I watched in horror as the light in her eyes began to fade until eventually, her struggles ceased altogether. I guessed that whatever forced my hand on my neck had left, because I was finally able to move my hand away. I nearly threw up as I watched her body fall to the ground...but that wasn't the worst part._

 _She wasn't alone…_

 _Dead bodies littered the streets and not just human bodies either...there was a wide variety of digimon corpses lying around too. Among them, I saw Kouta and Ryan lying side-by-side, their partner Digimon not too far away from them. Their eyes were wide open...yet I saw no life in them. But something was missing and I immediately knew what it was._

 _"Demidevimon…"_

 _I immediately broke into a sprint, being careful not to step on any bodies in the process. I called out to him, praying to whatever deity they had in this world that he was alright._

 _Apparently, I wasn't careful enough. I ended up tripping over one of the many dead bodies, sending me crashing face-first into the ground. I groaned as I got up, holding my now bleeding nose. I was about to get up and start my search anew when the sound of weak coughing reached my ears. I looked ahead and saw him, lying on his side in the middle of the street. I couldn't see his face since his back was facing me._

 _"Demidevimon!" I called as I got back on my feet, forgetting the blood that was pouring from my nose. I didn't stop running until I was right beside him. I got on my knees and gently took him in my arms. I positioned so that I could see his face and nearly cried at the site. He was covered in cut and bruises, and his right eye was swollen shut._

 _"Please wake up. Come on, speak to me, buddy."_

 _His one good eye opened slowly, causing a smile to spread on my face. It soon turned into a frown when I saw the look he was giving me...it was the same one Mikaela gave me not too long ago, one filled with pain and fear. A tear fell from his eye as he struggled to speak._

 _"W-why…?" He whimpered._

 _"What?" I asked, more than a little confused._

 _"W-why..did you...do this...?"_

 _"What? W-what are you talking about? I didn't do anything."_

 _"Buddy?"_

 _"C-come on man, this isn't funny." Tears were falling from my eyes, but I didn't care. "Demidevimon, wake up! Please wake up!"_

 _I was sobbing now, unable to stop the cocktail of emotions from getting the better of me. Confusion...depression...fear...they were all there. But the most terrifying was that small twinge I felt at the back of my head. I tensed and tried to shake it all, but the feeling wouldn't leave. I didn't want this._

 _'Why is this happening? I'm not a monster. I would've never...I…"_

 _ **"Amazing, isn't it?"**_

 _I gasped in fear and jumped to my feet, holding Demidevimon close to my chest as I did so. I turned around but saw nothing but death and destruction. I began to shiver in fear. I backed away, not taking my eyes away from the sight in case it came back._

 _Big mistake._

 _I started to back up...until I was suddenly pressed up against an unknown wall. The wall...it was breathing!_

 _I was about to move away from it when a pair of arms wrapped around me, pulling me into their owners embrace. I wanted to struggle, to scream, to do anything other than stay there….but I couldn't move. It was as if I was under some kind of spell._

 _ **"Look at the art you've created..."** It whispered. The voice...it wasn't the same as the one from that dark void. It wasn't deep or guttural; instead, it was feminine and somewhat alluring...which explained the pair of soft objects that were pressed against the back of my head._

 _"Me? I...I didn't-"_

 _ **"It's so beautiful..."** She whispered. An uncomfortable shiver ran up my spine at the feel of her breath on my ear._

 _ **"And you can make so much more. All you have to do…"** Her hand positioned itself right above my heart. **"...is embrace…"**_

 _She pulled me closer until there was barely any room between us. My tears fell harder as a chill ran through my chest, quickly spreading to the rest of my body._

 _ **"Eternity."**_

* * *

"AAAHH!"

I awoke with a start, shooting into a sitting position. Sweat coated my body, and my breathing was laboured. I frantically looked around, hoping I wasn't somewhere worse like a creepy dungeon...or a Justin Bieber concert. To say I was relieved to find myself back in my room would be an understatement. I looked to the foot of my bed and saw Demidevimon sleeping like a baby.

"You wanna eat me...? I'll eat your face...I'll eat your mom..." He mumbled, turning over to lay on his side.

I sighed in relief as I fell back on my mattress. I waited until my breathing was back to normal, saying the first thing that came to mind (cause you know, that's how I usually roll).

"That's it, no more talking to midgets before bed..." I muttered, turning to lay on my side. I closed my eyes but sleep couldn't come. My body may have been tired, but my mind was very awake. I just couldn't get that nightmare out of my head.

 _'It felt so real….'_ I shuddered, remembering the cold empty eyes of all those corpses. What scared me the most...was that it all seemed so familiar.

 _'That's right, that's the second nightmare I've had since I came here. And those voices...that both said the same thing. Embrace eternity…..what does that even mean?'_

I scoffed at my own thoughts. What was I getting so worked up about? I'm a sociopath for Pete's sake; my moral compass was all kinds of fucked up.

I don't care about anything, not what I say, what I do, and certainly not what others do. So...why did this one dream bother me so much?

I looked over at the digimon sleeping at the foot of my bed. Though I'd probably never admit it if he was awake, but he looked kind of cute...well, when he wasn't stirring up trouble or getting me arrested...kind of like a child's plush toy. A smile began to spread on my face; I closed my eyes and sighed.

 _'Okay, I guess I can care about one thing. You know, just this once.'_

* * *

In a land far out of reach from any tamer and even most digimon...was a secret garden. In this garden was a vast variety of different flowers. From tulips to black roses, they all can be found here, giving the garden an almost heavenly appearance. What was also in this great garden...was a castle, guarded by an army of Knightmon.

Within its steel walls sat a woman whose beauty was far beyond the expressions of words. The top half of her head was hidden behind a strange flower-like helmet while golden armour adorned her legs and forearms.

"Dammit." She mumbled, staring at the mirror in front of her. "I almost had him too."

"Did you really?" Another voice asked. "From what I saw, it was hard to tell whether you were trying to break him or seduce him."

"Oh, be quiet, Lucemon." She said, staring at her reflection. "It's not my fault. When you look this beautiful, it's hard not to seem seductive."

Lucemon just scoffed as she made various faces in front of the mirror, making vain comments as she did so. "Honestly, Ceresmon, I'm starting to think that you care more about your looks than our cause."

"You worry too much, Lucemon." A smirk slowly graced her lips. "After all, we still have plenty of time to get everything in place."

* * *

"They're getting bolder..." The dragonic silhouette exclaimed, staring intently at the crystal ball.

"I'll say, for a group mostly made up of holy digimon, they sure like to use dark methods." The second silhouette added.

The serpent-like silhouette turned to their leader at the head of the table. "We can't keep them out of his dreams forever, brother. It's only a matter of time before they..."

"I am aware of that!" He exclaimed. "But there's not much else we can do. For now, all we can do we wait until the chosen are stronger."

"And what if they don't get stronger in time?" The dragonic silhouette asked. "What if they are too late?"

"Then...we can only pray that that doesn't happen."

* * *

"Ahh, another day, another person to troll." I sighed as I stepped out of the shower. I hastily dried off my hair...well, what little of it I had before throwing the towel on my bed.

"About time you finished up there! I'm starving!" Demidevimon exclaimed. I turned and gave him a sarcastic death glare in return.

"You want to eat in the bathroom?" I asked as I got dressed. I was _not_ having this conversation with no pants on. "Then again, the soup _is_ strawberry scented…"

"That's not what I meant!" He snapped. "You're gonna make me breakfast. Now, hop to it."

"Wait, what? Don't I get a-"

"Nope."

"But I-"

"Nope."

"Ugh, fine! Little round rat..." I muttered as I made my way out the door, Demidevimon perching himself on my head again. As I made way through the hallway, a thought struck me.

"Uh, Demidevimon?"

"Yeah?"

"Which way is the kitchen?" I asked, looking around the hallway. It had just occurred to me that no one had really given me a tour of the place, which was a little strange, considering how Ryan and Monodramon had practically jumped at the chance to drag me around the city the first chance they got.

Now, in a situation like this, any normal person would know how to remain calm and simply walk around until they've found the kitchen, or at the very least, find someone and ask them for directions.

But I'm not a normal person...mentally.

"We're lost!" I panicked, falling to my knees and waving my hands around. Oh, yeah, I am awesome under pressure.

"We're gonna starve to death!" Demidevimon yelled. We hugged each other (like the men we are) and (manly) cried our eyes out.

"Do you need some help?"

We stopped crying (and immediately agreed that that little moment never happened) and slowly turned around. What we saw after that could only be described as a demonic Teletubby looking at us with concern in its…wait, are those eyes even real?

"Uhhh…" That was the only coherent thought circling in my brain. To be fair, how often does this happen to people?

"Oh, you must be Liam and Demidevimon! Monodramon told me about you!" It suddenly exclaimed as it floated over to us. No, seriously, it actually floated.

"Uuh, yeah, that's us. And you are…?" I asked I as got up.

"Oh, where are my manners...?! My name is Keramon. It's a pleasure to meet you!" He greeted as he awkwardly grabbed my hand and shook it.

"Yeah, yeah, we're all friends now. Hey, do you know which way the kitchen is?" Demidevimon asked quite rudely, but then again, I really don't care. Thankfully, Keramon either didn't notice or cared as much as I did.

"Of course, follow me."

And so we did. We walked in silence for the majority of it, but it wasn't uncomfortable…at first. It became uncomfortable when I noticed that he did have a body...just tentacles. I can't even begin to tell you how many questions that rose. The last time i saw that many tentacles was when….uhh, nevermind.

Another thing I noticed was the length of his arms. Those things were longer than his entire body...and his hands were huge.

 _'Wonder what giving him a high-five would feel like.'_

"So, how are you liking the place so far?" He asked, snapping me out of my contemplating.

"It's okay, I guess. Though when they said 'tamer home', I assumed that they meant a modest home, not a giant mansion." I deadpanned.

"Actually, this place is pretty small compared to the other tamer homes in places like Digi-City N or Darkmoon CITY." He replied as if that was the most normal thing in the world.

"This place is small?!" He had to be messing with me right now.

"Yeah, but we like it this way. It's quite nice, ya know?"

It's official, this place is weird. Next, I'm gonna find out that they have boxing matches between dogs and cacti.

"So...where's your tamer?" Demidevimon asked. "Is she a girl? Is she hot?"

"Excellent question!" I exclaimed.

Keramon just laughed as if we told him a really funny joke. "Oh no, I don't have a tamer."

"You don't?"

"Damn..." I muttered.

"No, I'm a Navi digimon."

"A Nazi digimon, huh? Tell me, how's Hitler doing? Still acting like a giant douche?"

He just laughed again. I had a feeling I was going to get along great with this gu-uh, digimon. Anyone who thought that what I just said was funny...was okay in my book.

"No, no, Navi digimon."

"Navi digimon? What's that?" Demidevimon asked.

"A Navi digimon is in charge of keeping the house in order and helping its occupying tamer wherever he or she can."

"Keep the house in order…" I trailed off. That's when it hit me. "So wait, you're like...the housemaid?"

"Well, in a manner of speaking, yes."

 _'I am so glad he's not wearing the outfit.'_

"Yeesh, that sounds like a lot of work."

"Oh, it is, but I enjoy it...and I get paid, so it's not like it's all for nothing." He tilted his head to the side and sent me a toothy smile. No, wait, that's just his face. I smiled back regardless.

"And here we are!" He exclaimed as we came upon a door. He opened it to reveal a large but standard kitchen. "Would you like me to make you some breakfast?"

"Nah, I'm good." I said as I walked in. Demidevimon flew off my head and propped himself on the table as I made my way to the cabinets.

"Very well. Don't hesitate to call if you need me!" He said as he shut the door. I wasn't sure if he was actually there or not since I couldn't any footsteps, but then again, he had no feet, so…

"I see that you met Keramon."

"Yeah, I-WOAH!" I nearly gave myself whiplash as I spun around. There, sitting in the seat right next to Demidevimon, who looked just as freaked out as I did, sat Mikaela, a cup of steaming hot coffee held in her hands. Next to her was Candlemon, eating a slice of chocolate cake.

"Forget T.P.U officers, you should be freaking ninjas!" I exclaimed.

"Thanks, we do try our best." She said calmly as she brought her mug to her lips.

"Huh?" I blinked in confusion. Was that non-contempt I heard in her tone?

"Is something wrong?" She asked.

"Uh, N-no. Nothing at all..." I awkwardly laughed. "So, uh, Keramon. Yeah, he's kinda cool, I guess. His 'eyes' kinda freak me out though..."

"She!" Candlemon exclaimed.

"What?"

Mikaela raised an eyebrow. "She. Keramon's a girl."

It took about a minute or two for my brain to process the information. Once it was neatly filed away in the mesh of dancing goblins and disembodied voices that is my brain, I was finally able to come up with an appropriate response.

"SAY WHAAAAAAT?!"

Mikaela giggled (I know, I can't believe it either) at my, as she later called it, 'ridiculous response'. "Didn't see that coming, did you?"

"Yeah, well, there was no way the author is going back to fix that now."

"What?"

"Never mind. Say what's up with you?" I asked as I poured some cereal in my bowl.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean...why are you being so nice to me?"

I sat across from her and sent her my best leer which, I admit, probably did look as intimidating as it should've. In retrospect, I probably should've just thrown my cereal at her.

"What are you talking about?" She asked, leering right back. Candlemon sent Demidevimon a concerned look while Demidevimon just raised an eyebrow. Nodding to each, they made their way out the door, hoping to avoid what would certainly be a massive shitstorm (though Candlemon did come back for his cake before making a hasty retreat).

"Oh, don't play dumb." A smirk spread on my face. "You see me, I see you, I say something stupid, you throw a shoe at me, come on, you know the dance."

She raised an eyebrow at my explanation which, combined with the coffee mug she was still holding, made her look like every cliche from every cop show I've ever seen.

"You want me to be mean to you?"

"Well, I'm not asking you to smother me in my sleep or anything, but we had a good thing going. Why change it?"

She scoffed at me, but she wasn't fooling anyone. I saw that lip twitch. Whether she was warming up to me or just found me amusing was still a mystery.

"Well, unlike you, I prefer not fighting with my teammates every five seconds. Besides, I'm not wearing my badge. Ergo, you're not my problem." She explained as she took a sip of her coffee, looking like a true business woman.

I didn't think it was possible, but my smirk actually got bigger. "So you're only a bitch when you're getting paid, huh? I can respect that." I said, ducking under that infamous death shoe of her's.

"Ha! Missed m-oof!"

 _'Oh, that's right. She has two feet.'_

"Ugh! You're such a loser!" She scoffed, folding her arms and facing away from me, her coffee completely forgotten.

"That's the Mikaela I know and love..." I groaned as I wiped the shoe print off my face. Ryan was right: she was a size four.

"I see you two are getting along just fine."

I turned and saw pizz-I mean, Kouta standing by the doorway, his partner still in his arms.

"Hey, if it isn't pizzaboy and..."

"Tsukaimon." The purple digimon replied.

 _'Tsukaimon? Wow, that is so anime.'_

"GOOD MORNING, SQUAD THREE!" Ryan yelled as he and Monodramon walked in. "HIDE YOUR WOMEN, FOLKS, BECAUSE THE MEN HAVE ARRIVED!"

"Is it always this loud in the mornings?" I asked as I massaged my ear drums. Geez, I'd hate to have a hangover with him around. Speaking of which, I could really go for a drink right now.

Kouta just stared at me for a moment before reaching in his ears and removing a pair of earplugs. "I'm sorry, did you say something?"

 _'That snarky little runt.'_

It was at that moment that my digivice suddenly went off. It was so sudden that I nearly choked on my cereal. I pulled out my digivice and noticed that one of the buttons on the side was flashing. Hoping it wasn't the self-destruct button, I pressed it and nearly killed myself when a blue hologram message appeared in my face.

"What the hell?"

"It's a message from the union." Kouta explained. "I suggest you go read it. They don't send messages to tamers unless it's really important….or if it's your birthday."

I raised an eyebrow before reading the message aloud because, you know, why not?

"Dear Liam Darks, you have officially been registered as a union tamer of Digi-City E."

"Hooray!" Ryan cheered, throwing confetti from somewhere behind him...you know what? I'm just gonna say that he pulled it right out of his butt, because I have no idea where else he got it.

"To complete the registration, please visit the union health center for a compulsory checkup. Failure to oblige will result in the confiscation of your digivice."

"Well, looks like you're going to the health center." Mikaela deadpanned.

* * *

"Remind me again on why you're coming along?" I asked as I walked through the city streets. Ryan and Monodramon had 'offered' to escort us to the health center...after a very clear warning from Mikaela about tearing me a new one if we caused any more trouble in the city. For some reason, the midget and his hamster decided to tag along, much to my suspicion. Say what you want, but I don't trust anyone short enough to punch me in the crotch when I'm not looking.

"Because I can't trust those two to behave without peeing on something in public-"

"It was one time!"

"And I have some business to attend to at the health center anyway!" Kouta answered.

"Business? What kind of business does an eight-year-old have at a health center?" Demidevimon questioned.

"None of _your_ business."

"Aww, and here, I thought we were finally getting along." I quipped. He scoffed and looked away. A shame, really, we were having such a delightful conversation.

Shrugging off his non-verbal 'screw you', I decided to looked around. I figured I might as well get this route memorized since, with Demidevimon as my partner, I'd probably be using it very often.

As we continued to walk in the oh-so-awkward silence, I was once again faced with the fact that almost every digimon I saw looked like a creature from a horror movie. I saw demons, vampires, ghosts...heck, I even saw a pharaoh talking to a mummy holding a machine gun (which, by the way, was pretty _awesome_ )!

"Hey, Monodramon."

"Hmm?"

"I don't mean to be rude or anything, but why do all the digimon here look so….?"

He tilted his head in confusion. I realised then and there that my question might be seen as offensive. Normally, I wouldn't care, but the last thing I need at the moment was to be chased by a mob of angry digimon, especially since most of them look like they would have no problem eating me.

"You know, so...scary?" I winced at the last part; that probably wasn't the best choice of words. I expected him to get angry...but instead, he just smiled.

"Oh, that's easy: it's because most of them are virus types."

"Virus what now?" Now it was my turn to tilt my head.

"You don't know about digimon types?" Demidevimon asked.

"Am I supposed to?"

"Ha! No wonder I found you lost in the forest. You're clueless!" The bat digimon leaped off my head and hovered in front of me. "You see, kid, there are three types of digimon: those goody-goody vaccine types...no offense, Mono."

"None taken."

"The neutrals: data types; like Candlemon. And last and certainly not least...the virus types! The best outta the three!"

"Hmph, well, I don't know about that." Demidevimon glared at Kouta who merely ignored him and continued to explain. "You see Liam, out of all the digi-cities in the digital world, Digi-City E has the second highest population of virus digimon, the first being Darkmoon CITY, earning the city the nickname 'The Virus City'."

"Huh," I looked at Demidevimon who looked just about ready to fall asleep after that whole explanation. "So...you're a virus type?"

"Yep."

"Hm, kinda cool, I guess. So why'd you get a vaccine type, Ryan?" I got no response. I stopped and turned to the spot where I last saw him, only to find that he wasn't there.

 _'You know, I was wondering why he was so quiet.'_

We all turned our attention to the little purple dragon, who was the only one of us who looked pretty concerned. "Oh, he said that he needed to use the bathroom."

"DANG IT, RYAN!"

* * *

"And here we are!" Ryan cheered as he pulled the last poison dart out of his butt. That's right folks, we found them...although, we do have to send that family a new flowerpot.

"Alright, I'll leave this to you, Ryan. I got to go stop something from blowing up," Kouta stated as he walked off somewhere, Tsukaimon obediently trailing behind. With the short stack finally gone, we made our way to the receptionist.

"Uhh, excuse me." The receptionist looked at him with an expression of pure disinterest. I sympathise with her, really, I did. I've had a job as a secretary once, so I wouldn't want to deal with Ryan either.

"Name?" She sighed. Yep, she's definitely the life of the party.

"Oh, it's not for me, it's for him." He said, pushing me forward. I blushed as she stared me up and down with a raised eyebrow.

"Name?"

"Uhh…"

 _'Say something, you idiot!'_

"Uhh, Liam Darks?"

Oh yeah, stating your name as a question, _real_ smooth. Yep, I'm definitely getting in her pants. Thankfully, she either didn't notice or didn't care (most likely the latter). She just typed away on her futuristic-looking computer, and when I say 'futuristic', I didn't mean Star Trek futuristic...I meant freaking anime futuristic.

"You're late."

"I am?"

"Yes. Go to room four-twenty-two. Just take three left and then a right."

"Uh, thanks." She didn't respond, only continuing to type away on her computer while chewing on her gum.

 _'Talk about terrible service.'_ I thought as I followed Ryan down the hall.

* * *

 _'Where is this damn room?!'_ I thought. We've been walking through these halls for an hour, and we still haven't found room four-twenty-two. The staff were no help either: they either said they were too busy, or they outright ignored me, though I couldn't help but notice that they all seemed pretty familiar with Ryan.

 _'Should I be surprised that he's been here enough times for that to happen?'_

"So, you're telling me, that you just happened to be walking by when noticed her 'trip' and in an attempt to catch her, your hand just happened to 'accidentally' grasp her breast?" I asked.

"Yeah, pretty much."

"...you're a geniu-!" I was cut off by a door suddenly slamming open, giving me a full-on makeout session with it.

 _'Son of a….dammit karma! I thought we had a deal!'_ I thought as I stumbled back, hoping to the heavens that my nose wasn't broken. _'My face is my bread and butter dammit! You don't mess with a man's bread and butter!'_

"Oh my! Are you alright?" A hand was thrust in my face. Following it, I found myself looking into a pair of deep blue eyes that, if you looked close enough, almost looked like violet.

"Here, let me take a look." She took hold of my hands, moving them away to get a better look at my nose. I blushed hard as she began feeling my nose...girls usually don't get this close to me, unless they're gonna cause physical harm, and for a good reason too.

 _'Must...resist…urge...to grope.'_

"Well, it isn't broken, though I suggest you look where you're going next time."

"Yeah, cause that was _totally_ my fault." I quipped as she helped me up. As I dusted myself, I couldn't help but notice a few distinguishing features about her. She looked about my age, give or take a year. She had long pink hair, styled as two puns with a pair of chopsticks through each them. She wore a cute (not that I'd ever admit that out loud), flowy, pink dress that reached her mid-thigh, a denim jacket, and a pair of pink ballet flats. What really grabbed my attention though, was the flower girl next to her.

No seriously, she was an actual flower. Her body was light green. Half of her face was hidden behind red petals and purple flowers grew where her hands should've been.

"This place just gets weirder and weirder..." I muttered.

"Damn, Lourdes, that was one heck of a swing," Ryan said.

She raised an eyebrow at the sight of him. "Ryan? What are you doing here? You don't usually hurt yourself this early."

"Don't worry about that, the day's still young after all. I'm just escorting my new teammate to his first checkup."

"Teammate?" She looked at me for a second before her eyes shift to the small devil digimon perched on my shoulder, causing her eyes to widen. "You?!"

"Huh?" He asked.

I gave my partner a curious look. "Uhh, friend of yours, Demidevimon?"

"I doubt it." He scoffed. "So what'd I do you, Pinkie? Steal your purse? Throw a demi dart at ya? That sounds like something I'd do."

"Oh no, you haven't anything done to me personally, but everyone in the union knows about you!"

"They do?"

"Of course! You have a rap sheet longer than a Sandiramon!"

I patted him on his head...body...whatever. "Looks like you're a celebrity, buddy."

"Don't sound so surprised!" He scoffed. "Fame, looks, brains, I've got it all, baby."

"I heard rumours about Demidevimon partnering up with a union tamer, but I didn't think it was true." She moved closer, her eyes leering into mine in a way that made me extremely uncomfortable. "So fascinating. To be compatible with such a mischievous digimon, your mind must work in an extraordinary way."

"Yeah? Well, your momma- Oh wait, you meant that as a compliment."

She started to circle me, like a shark hunting its prey. Once she made a full lap, she stopped in front of me. She leaned forward, stroking her chin as she looked into my eyes. In any other story, this would be the moment the hero falls in love with the cute pink-haired girl.

But not this story!

"This is just weird."

"..."

"Hello, earth to Pinkie."

"..."

"I advise you to step away from the Liam, ma'am."

"..."

"Stop! You are freaking me-"

"You're perfect!"

"Huh?" Next thing I knew, she was all up in my face, sporting a smile so big, it looked like it hurt. I'm pretty sure I saw her eyes sparkle too.

"Yes, I can see it!"

"S-See what?"

"Your mind!" She grabbed my head, massaging my scalp as she held it like a infant.

 _'Is it weird that I'm feeling a little hot right now?'_

"Such a fascinating thought pattern! I must know more!"

 _'Fascinating thought pattern...?! Wait a minute…!'_

"Did you just call me crazy?!"

"Please let me examine your brain!" She asked, ignoring my question. I didn't know whether to be offended or hope that 'brain' was an euphemism for something else.

"Geez, Lourdes, you could've at least introduce yourself before going all 'extreme therapy' on him'!" Ryan muttered as he watched the scene before him. He seemed pretty darn amused by all this...if that smirk of his was anything to go by.

 _'You son of a…'_

"Huh?" She frowned. Her eyes widened and she suddenly let me go, causing me to fall with a groan. "Oh no! I'm so sorry!" She bowed as I got up, grumbling some things that would've probably turn this into a higher-rated story.

"Happens all the time." I quipped. "So, your name is….?"

"Oh, right!" She gasped. "My name is Lourdes Klaus, at your service!" She said, doing a double peace sign pose. If she hadn't literally just planted a door in my face and molested my skull, I would've thought it was cute.

"Hey, what about me?" The little flower digimon asked.

"Oh sorry." She gently lifted the little digimon, hugging it close to her body as she presented it to me. "This is my partner, Floramon."

"Hiya!" She waved. It was cute and weird at the same time.

"So, what's your nam-"

"Liam Darks!" I yelled.

 _'Nailed it!'_

"Uhh...okay then." She laughed nervously, more than a little surprised at my sudden outburst. "So, you said that you're here for a check-up, right?"

"That's right, Pinkie!" Demidevimon replied. "We're looking for room four-twenty-two."

"Four-twenty-two?" She cocked her head to the side in confusion. "But you all passed that a while ago."

"WHAT?!" I snapped.

"It's true." said Floramon. "See for yourself."

She pointed her flower arm to the door that had stolen my fifth kiss (as far as you know) and sure enough, she was right. My jaw practically floored itself as I read the numbers '432' on the door. I slowly turned to Ryan, my right eye twitching as I glared at him with enough anger to make Lyssa herself cringe.

Ryan, being Ryan, was completely oblivious.

"RYAN, YOU NITWIT!"

"Yes?" He innocently asked.

"WHERE THE HECK HAVE YOU BEEN LEADING US THIS WHOLE TIME?!"

"Wait, what?" He asked. "You were following me? I was just trying to find the nearest bedpan. I gotta go like nobody's business."

My eye twitched again as I slowly lifted my trembling hands.

"Uhh, buddy? You okay?" He asked.

"Yes, I'm fine." I hissed, clenching and unclenching my hands. "Hey, Ryan, do me a favor, would you? Stick your neck right here."

"Whoa, man," he gulped, backing away as I stepped forward." Easy now, we can talk about this, right? After all, we're both reasonable guys, right?"

"Nope! Get over here!"

"YIKES!" He yelped, making a break for it just when I was about to pounce.

"Get back here, I just wanna strangle ya!" I yelled as I gave chase, our digimon following close behind. This left Lourdes and Floramon watching in confusion as they left.

"Well, that was odd," said Floramon, cocking her head to the side.

"A fascinating thought pattern...indeed." She smiled as she walked in the opposite direction. "I think things are going to be a lot more interesting from now on."

* * *

"That snarky little…" I muttered as I entered the room, leaving Ryan sporting a fashionable fist-shaped mark on his face.

"Hello there."

I yelped and nearly jumped out of my skin. I turned to the voice, ready to kill the person...but there was nothing. Looking around, I blinked in confusion when I found that I was the only one in the room.

"Dammit, voices, we've been over this. No. Telling. Me. To. Kill. People!" I said as I hit myself in the head. Good thing I'm already in a hospital.

"Down here, young man," The voice chuckled. I looked down and nearly floored my jaw again at what I saw.

Standing there was a small orange lizard, much like the one I saw upon entering the city, except this one was wearing a scholar's outfit. If I wasn't so sure that I had given myself a concussion, I might've thought it was cute.

"What the-?"

"Hello, my boy, my name is Agumon Hakase, but you can just call me Hakase." He extended his arm, offering a gentleman's handshake. Still stumped at the fact that this was actually happening, I just stood there and blinked.

"Not one for handshakes, are you? Eh, just as well."

"Uhh, right…" I trailed off. "Uhh, I'm Liam Darks. I'm here for my-!"

"Yes, yes, I'm very aware," He said. "Unfortunately, due to you being late, I'm unable to see you at this time. So, instead, you can see my apprentice. She actually a little while ago to look for yo-"

"Bug off, Ryan!"

"Ah, there she is now."

A loud 'slap' sound echoed through the halls, making me cringe. The door opened, revealing a very attractive young woman. She looked about my age and wore a plain pair of blue jeans and red laced boots. The top of the boots were undone, leaving part of the tongue out in the open. A light blue, sleeveless, collared shirt was buttoned all the way up, and she wore a black vest over the top. A couple of bottom buttons of the shirt and vest were undone. Draped over her shoulders was a white lab coat. She had blue eyes and long silver hair that went down her back. Sitting her head was a…woah.

 _'Oh, yeah, cause THAT'S what every medical patient wants to see.'_ I thought as I stared at the biggest spider I had ever seen. The thing was the size of a freaking puppy...and what kind of spider has that many teeth?!

"Ah, Shirley. We were just talking about you." Hakase said.

"Sorry, Hakase, I couldn't find him, even if Lourdes mentioned him earlier."

"It's alright. it seemed he decided to come to us. See?" He pointed a claw at me. I would've waved at her if she hadn't looked so pissed at me.

 _'I'm beginning to think that I have rotten luck with women.'_

"Well, I have other appointments to get to, so I'll leave him in your capable hands, Shirley." With that, he left, leaving us in awkward silence, which at this point, was starting to become a regular thing for me.

"Hi there, I'm-"

"Extremely late!" She snapped, causing me to yelp. "I just spent half an hour lookin' for ya, an' don' even get me started on what Ryan just tried to do!:

"Uhh...I'm sorry?" She huffed at me and folded her arms.

"Well, this is off to a great start..." The spider sighed, it's high pitched voice indicating that it was probably female. I was at the point where I stopped questioning on how messed up this place was.

 _'Just roll with it man.'_ I thought.

"How about we do some introductions? That should make things a little less awkward." She said. "I'm Kodokugumon, Shirley's partner. You're Liam Darks, right?"

"Uh, yeah, that's me! Sorry again for being late. It was Ryan's fault." Ah, the art of throwing someone under a bus. What are friends for, right?

Now, I know what you're thinking...what? Liam Darks...actually apologising for something? What madness was this?! Well, look at it from my point of view: would you want to be on the bad side of a girl who has a constant access to scalpels, knowledge of the human body, and a freaking giant spider as a best friend?

I don't think so. Hell hath no fury, folks.

"Why am I not surprised?" She scoffed before reaching for one of the cabinets. "Well, let's get things started, shall we?"

"Great. So how are we doing this? Do I pee in a cup or….?"

"Well, first I need to take your temperature." She said as pulled out a large ray-gun device. The thing was freaking huge with a screen the side, displaying all kinds of data.

"T-that's a thermometer?!"

"Yep, now, let's do this."

"Oh, **HEll** no!" I screamed. "There is no way you're putting **THAT** in my mouth!"

"Oh, don't worry, Mr. Darks," she laughed. Then her face suddenly went neutral, scary neutral. "This ain't going anywhere _near_ your mouth."

"Eep…"

* * *

 **1h ago**

Outside the door, Demidevimon, Monodramon and Ryan waited for their friend to finish his check-up. The two digimon were conversing while Ryan tried to wipe the hand print off his face.

Suddenly, the sound of something crashing echoed from the room, followed by a large thud.

"Uh, is everything alright in there?" Demidevimon asked.

"Eh, I'm sure he's fine," Ryan said.

"I'M NOT FINE! I'M NOT FINE! AAHH!"

"Web em' down, KD!"

"Uuh, you sure?" Monodramon asked as he listened to the screams.

"Yeah. I mean, it's for his health, right?"

"SCREW MY HEALTH!"

"Besides, it's not like he's getting a prostate exam, right?"

"AAAAH! IT'S IN MY BRAIN!"

* * *

' _Be the main character of a fanfiction, he said. It'll be fun, he said. I am SO firing my agent!'_ I thought as I limped out of the health center that would forever give me nightmares.

 _'She could've at least bought a drink or a cigarette or something.'_

"Are you okay, Liam?" Kouta asked. "You're, uhh, walking kind of funny."

 _'S-C-R-E-double YOU!'_

I thought, glaring at the little runt. Noticing the pure hate in my eyes, he decided to back off, knowing full well that I was pissed.

"So now what do we do?" Monodramon asked.

"We could get some lunch. I heard there's this great restaurant that let's you watch the food being made..." Tsukaimon said.

"Yeah, cause I wanna see where a burger comes from." I quipped, not really caring what we do. As long as it didn't involve sitting for a while, I was up for anything.

"Well, lookie here, guys."

"Oh, for the love of…" Kouta mumbled. We turned around to face a group of two guys and a girl. "What do you want, Kenny?"

A guy in a black vest and grey jeans stepped forward. He had long black hair that looked like it had way too much time put into it. In his arms was a green worm digimon.

 _'What is with all the bugs today? Quick, someone give me a giant shoe!'_

"What, can't a guy pay a visit to his favorite team?" He asked.

"Sure, tell them I said hi."

"Ooh, funny," The guy next to him scoffed. He looked like the kind of guy who just loved to stare at himself in the mirror for hours. He had long blonde hair, wore a light blue T-shirt and white shorts. Next to him was what looked like a dinosaur made of legos.

"Hey, Kenny, look!" A red haired girl called. She wore a very revealing red tube-top and black skinny jeans. Her long red hair was styled in a pony tail. Hovering in the air next to her was a cat with wings and a 'F-14' on its body. "Isn't that the Demidevimon who's been causing so much trouble lately?"

"Well, would ya look at that," He said, his attention now on me. "I guess they really did find a partner for the little scumball."

"What did you say?!" Demidevimon yelled.

"And he's in the Derp Squad, no less! Well, a loser for a loser, I guess."

A smirk grew on his face, causing me to snarl in anger. I had just gotten violated by a very thorough doctor and didn't even get her number afterwards. Suffice to say, I was in no mood for this asshole

"Look, buddy..." I growled. "We don't want any trouble. So why don't you go home and restyle your hair, because I think I see a split end."

His smirk fell as he glared at me. "You wanna start something loser?"

"Only an introduction. My foot wants to introduce itself to your ass!"

"Ha! Nice!" Ryan chuckled.

"Oh, that's it!" He growled, pulling out his digivice. "You are so de-"

"I think that's enough."

We all turned to see a guy making his way towards us. He had brown hair, wore a green shirt, a blue jacket, black jeans and white sneakers. Walking next to him was a small golden dragon sporting what looked like samurai armour. Atop its forehead was a red gem.

"I think we all need to calm down, don't you agree?"

"Stay out of this, Travis," said Blondie. "This doesn't concern you."

"Au contraire, my ridiculously vain friend." Travis said. "I just can't have you three starting a fight in the middle of the city, now can I?"

"Oh? And what do you suppose we do?" Kenny asked, sending me a glare that I happily returned.

"I say, save it for the tournament. After all, isn't that what it's for?" He shrugged. "Besides, don't you guys have some missions to do or something?"

"Hmph, fine," said Kenny. "These guys aren't worth our time anyway. Come on guys, let's go." As he left, his friends sent us a glare before following him.

"Yeah, you better run!" Demidevimon yelled.

"Thanks for the help there, man." I said, letting out a breath I didn't even know I was holding.

"We could've handled them." Monodramon stated.

"Anytime." He said. "Name's Travis Wickerson, by the way. Nice to meet ya."

 _'Why does everyone here have a cooler name than me?'_ I thought as I shook his hand.

"Ahem?"

"Oh, right!" Travis said, rolling his eyes," This is my partner, Ryudamon."

"A pleasure to meet you." greeted the dragon digimon.

"Nice to meet you to." Monodramon said as they shook...claws, I guess? Whatever.

"Well, we gotta get going. Got tamer...things to do. You know how it is, right?"

"Not one bit." I said, scratching the back of my head. He just chuckled at my ignorance.

"I like you, you're funny."

"I am?" I asked. "I mean, of course I am. Yep, been funny my whole life."

"Sure you have." He chuckled. "Well, we gotta move, come on, Ryudamon."

"Thanks again for the help." I said as he walked away. He simply waved at me, not bothering to turn around.

"Well, he seems nice." Ryan stated.

"Those guys were lucky he showed up," Demidevimon scoffed. "I was about three seconds away from taking em' down."

"Talk about timing." I said, my tone dripping with sarcasm.

"Yes, that was pretty convenient." Kouta muttered, eyeing his retreating figure. "And then to just up and leave without a proper reason. Very strange indeed."

"Well, look who's being a mini Sherlock Holmes..." Ryan said, ruffling his beanie. "Let's not think about that right now, okay? I've got an idea!"

"This can't be good..." I muttered as he jumped in front of us.

"Let's go on a mission!"

* * *

 **IMPORTANT! OCs needed: I'm running low on OCs so if you have some to spare, PM some. I will need a few details such as: name, age, clothing, eye colour (try to keep it natural), hair colour\style (can be unnatural), Digivice colour, Digimon partner and it's digivolution line!**

 **WARNING: Some digimon are already taken!**

 **Characters will be added EVENTUALLY. May be minor or major depending on chapter**

 **This is a limited time offer so act now!**

 **Also, the more reviews I get, the faster I update. Just sayin'**


	5. Chapter 4: Leeroy Jenkins!

"...A what?"

"A mission! Come on, it'll be fun!" said Ryan, still bearing that goofy grin on his face.

I took a moment to send him my infamous deadpan stare. After a minute or so of him just grinning in all his oblivious glory, I decided to direct my _'fuck you'_ stare to a different target; namely Kouta.

Collateral damage?

Maybe.

Unnecessary?

Probably.

Did I enjoy doing it?

You bet your sweet ass I did.

Feeling my stare of a thousand no-fucks burning through his skull, Kouta countered it with a raised eyebrow that just screamed " _are you kidding me?"_ , thus commencing the most pointless staring contest known to both man and mon. It couldn't have lasted more than a minute and a half but to us, each second of that minute felt like an eternity. Our digimon watched our battle of wills from the sidelines, his with a confused expression on his face and mine…well actually, Demidevimon didn't really look like he gave a shit. Huh, figures.

However, the power of his floating eyebrow was no match for my pan-of-dead, leaving him with no choice but to concede to my awesome power with a sigh usually given out by teachers to students who don't pay attention in class.

' _It's like he's known me all my life.'_ I thought as I bathed in my victory.

"Don't you know anything, rookie?" he said.

Now it was my turn to send my eyebrow to the sky. Rookie? Great, as if 'Kid' wasn't bad enough.

"A mission is a request sent to the Union by people or digimon in need of assistance. The missions are divided depending on type, rank and level of skill needed to complete them," he explained, clearly expecting me to understand every word he just said.

Yep, I'm totally going to have fun screwing with this kid…ah crap, that came out wrong.

"Basically, when someone has a problem, they ask the Union for help and they send us to deal with it," explained Tsukaimon.

"That...sounds like effort," I moaned. I didn't like effort okay. Effort is hard!

"Oh don't be that way," said Ryan because literally _no one_ else would be that enthusiastic about anything. "It'll be fun, I promise. Just us guys, out in the world, solving mysteries…"

"Using leaves as toilet paper," Monodramon continued.

"Sounds like one hell of a time," I said, my tone absolutely dripping with sarcasm- sarcasm that was either ignored or unnoticed by Ryan. Why I expected anything less at this point, I had no idea.

"Great, then let's go!"

"Huh?! Wait wait wait, I was being sar-"

Too late. Despite my protest and many MANY swears, I found myself being dragged away by the lovable dumbass AGAIN!

' _I really do hate my life.'_

* * *

Unknown to our "heroes", a pair of bright green eyes watched on from beneath a black cloak, tracking their every move deeper into the city.

The figure reached under his hood, placing a small device in his ear. Once he were sure it was place it correctly, he activated it before speaking.

"Is it done?" he asked.

" _Yep. Just finished actually,"_ said a voice throught the earpiece.

"Good. Head back to HQ. I'll see ya when I'm done here."

" _Roger,"_ the voice replied.

It's job done, the figure deactivated the earpiece before removing it from his ear.

" _That's_ who the boss man is so interested in?" said a voice from beneath the figure's hood, not very impressed by what it was seeing.

"Looks like 'em."

"He doesn't look so tough. We could easily take him down right now, what do you say?" said the other voice as it tried to struggle out from beneath the hood.

"Nah ah ah." He lowered his hood further, blocking his companion's escape. "You heard the boss, we're supposed to watch the target. Nothing more, nothing less."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Then where is he?"

"Huh?" He looked down at the busy city street and sure enough, his target was gone, lost amongst the crowd.

"Well...he...uh...shit."

* * *

"Here we are, the mission center!" Ryan announced…for some reason.

The building itself wasn't really all that impressive considering everything I've seen since I've been here - as messed up as "here" is. It looked like the kind of place where cartoon-depicted (I had no idea I knew that word) IPods were made; all unnecessarily futuristic-y and metallic, just like everything else I've seen here so far.

' _I think I'm starting to see a pattern here,'_ I thought, still staring at the building. The only thing that really made it stand out was that it was bigger than most of the other buildings. Well, that and the large sign that said _'Digital Mission Center'_.

But that's not important right now.

"Well don't just stand there, let's go in," said Ryan as he walked in with his hands folded behind his head, like he had swag. Ugh, did I _really_ just say that?

I sighed and followed him through the large automatic doors and saw….ah shit.

Lines. Lines fucking everywhere. Well actually there were six of them, each one handled by a different digimon and all pretty long. Which was _terrific_ for me since the first thing I said this morning was: " _Gee, I hope I get to stand in a long line today!"_

Notice my sarcasm there?

"Oh joy," I said as I stared at the poor souls I was soon to join, waiting in boredom and despair for the jerk in front of them to move so they could get on with their lives.

Yep, this is gonna be a _long_ chapter.

Thankfully, Ryan (bless his big heart and tiny brain) put my worries to rest. "You guys wait here while I go check out the board. Come on, Mono."

As brunette tamer and purple dragon made their way towards a line being handled by - I shit you not - a giant chicken, I took the time to relax and enjoy the peace and quiet that soon followed. After all, with all that's been happening to me lately - waking up in a weird forest, nearly being killed by a giant bug and regretting meeting every girl that I've laid eyes on since I got here - I think Demidevimon and I deserve some down time.

' _...and I'm bored now.'_

Seeing as there was nothing better to do (and I had to progress this story somehow), I decided to take a look around. All around me were people and digimon of all shapes and sizes, all waiting in line to receive a mission...or you know, to grow old and die already. Anything to get out of standing in line.

"Geeze, it's like the Rainbow Nation and the DMV had a lovechild, eh Demidevimon?" I got no response which, if you've been paying attention to the previous chapters, you'd know is a worrying fact all on its own. I looked at the little bat digimon who was now on my shoulder. He looked kinda….troubled. Like he had a lot on his mind.

"Demidevimon?"

"Huh, what now?" He blinked, looking like he was just snapped out of a daydream, and looked at me. "What's up?"

I raised an eyebrow. Now I _know_ some weird shit is up. "You okay, Buddy? Ya kinda spaced on me for second."

"Yeah I'm good. I'm just thinking about those jerks from earlier."

"Demidevimon, please," I exclaimed before continuing in a hushed tone. "Kouta and Tsukaimon are right there."

"I heard that!" The midget yelled, not that Demidevimon and I noticed….or cared. Man I'm starting to understand why I don't have many friends.

I'm too good looking!

"No, I mean the _other_ jerks," Said Demidevimon.

Oh. Well that's an easy one.

"Mikaela and Candlemon?"

"The _other_ other jerks."

I stroked my chin in thought. How many jerks do I know? A lot. Which ones did I see today? A lot. Wow this was a lot harder than it should be. Why the hell do I know so many jerks?

' _I wonder if normal people have this problem…'_

"Hhmmm...you?"

"I mean the three jerks we met earlier!" he snapped.

"Oh yeah. They were my next guess." I looked at Kouta, who was busy petting Tsukaimon. "Who were those turd-monkeys anyway?"

"Squad seven," he growled in obvious irritation. Wow, even when I'm not trying, I'm pissin' this kid off. I'm just that good.

"So I'm guessing they're not exactly on your friend-list," I said, receiving an annoyed glare in response. I guess he's not in the mood for my trolling anymore.

Sucks to be him then!

"What they are is bunch of pricks who think they're better than everyone just because they're gold tamers when, really, they're just lowly pieces of -"

"Woah woah woah! Hold up a sec," I interrupted. "Those jerks were _gold_ tamers? Even the guy with the bug?"

"Pretty much," he concurred. Ugh, there's a word I hope to never use again. "As for the disgusting pest, his name is Kenny. The bug's name is DoKunemon."

' _I see what you did there!'_ I thought, not bothering to suppress my amused chuckle. This midget was actually pretty funny when he wanted to be.

"Which reminds me, you might want to watch out for him. He doesn't take kindly to people talking back to him, especially bronze tamers."

' _Wow, first day on the job and I'm already making enemies. Just like high school.'_

"Alright, that's one douche out of the way. What about Goldilocks and the Crimson-Hoe?" I asked.

"The blonde guy with the overdone hair is Chad and his partner is ToyAgumon. They're annoying at best though. One splash of water on Chad's hair usually shuts them up," he explained.

"A blonde pussy and his toy. Got it. Next!" I exclaimed, making him snort with laughter. I'm not sure which is weirder; the fact Tiny Evil and I were actually having a (semi-)civilised conversion or that an eight-year old knew what pussy was.

Maybe this _should_ be an M-rated story.

"The girl and the cat are Amy and Tobucatmon, the thugs of the group. What they lack in brains, they make up for in brawns."

Tsukaimon decided that this was a good time to cut in. "She's also kind of a…"

"A bitch?" asked Demidevimon.

"Meanie. I was gonna say meanie." Huh, I guess hamsters can't swear. Too bad, that would've been cute.

"Great, as if the women here weren't scary enough," I groaned, the memories of my last encounters with females making me shudder. I swear, it's like everything with boobs just hates me.

' _And speaking of boobs,'_ I thought as I saw Ryan and Monodramon return with a piece of paper.

"Took you long enough," said the ever so jolly elf. You'd think someone who worked with Santa for as long as he did would be a little bit nicer.

I took the paper from his hand and inspected it. The writing was barely readable but I'm no master writer either so I managed.

 _ **To any and all tamers.**_

 _ **A small group of thieves has escaped custody and are reeking havoc on small towns. The group was last reported to be seen in Bit Jungle, near Gōremu village. Speak to the village elder for further details.**_

 _ **Rank: D**_

 _ **Reward: 800 bits**_

 _ **From Noel Strife of Digi-City W.**_

"Noel Strife?!" Kouta yelled before suddenly grabbing the note out of my - wait, did I read that out loud? "This signature…. It _is_ him!"

"And just _who_ is Noel Strife?" I asked despite knowing I'd immediately regret it.

"Whose Noel Strife?! Do you live under a rock or something?!"

See what I mean?

"Noel Strife is one of the most famous tamers in the digital world. By the time he was my age, he had already reached gold tamer! He's ranked four of the digital world's top ten tamers and-"

"Yeah I'm gonna have to stop you right there," I cut in, holding up the universal hand sign for _"stop...hammer time!"._ What? It's a catchy song. "See, we've already wasted one hundred and thirty six words on that pseudo staring contest earlier and we really don't need the extra dialogue right now. So why don't you just give me the short version so we can all get on with our fictional lives, okay? Okay."

Oh man. That glare. It was so stuffed with hate that I swear I could see some of it leaking out from his tear ducts.

' _Yeah, welcome to the rest of your life, kid.'_

Monodramon, seeing that Kouta was too busy trying to burn a hole through my forehead- better men have tried -decided to take the metaphorical wheel before I said something that would _really_ piss the toddler off.

Oh well. There's always next time.

"Basically, he's a really famous tamer." he explained. Not sure why they didn't just say that in the first place.

"He's super strong too. His partner, Susanoomon, is like a freaking one mon thunderstorm!" Ryan exclaimed, much to my relief. I've only known the guy for two days and already I find it unnerving for him to be silent. You just never know what's going on in that brain of his.

"If they're so famous then how come I've never heard of em'," asked Demidevimon.

"Probably you're too busy causing trouble around town to pick up a newspaper," Kouta angrily growled, receiving no response from the bat digimon.

I looked at Demidevimon with a raised eyebrow but he just shrugged.

"Hey, when he's right, he's right," he said.

I….couldn't argue with that actually, not that I'd actually waste my energy arguing with an eight-year old but still, points to you, kid. There was one thing that bothered me though….

"So wait, if this guy's so tough, what's he doing sending out rank D missions instead of doing them himself?" I asked.

He shrugged. "He's probably got more important things to deal with."

"Or maybe he's just on the toilet ," said Ryan. "But enough about that - we've got a mission to do. To the digiport!"

With that being said, he made his way to the exit with gusto, followed by his purple partner in crime. Kouta just sighed at his enthusiasm before following, leaving me and Demidevimon to our own devices.

"Our first job as model citizens. Yay…" groaned Demidevimon, clearly not expecting much out of this.

"I don't know, maybe this could be a good thing," I said in an uncharacteristically serious tone. "A new path has been set for us. A chance for us to be moulded into the good, model citizens we've always dreamed of being but never had the chance to become."

We looked each other with blank expressions for a moment before bursting with laughter, earning odd looks from the other tamers and their digimon.

"Oh man….you almost had me for a second!" Demidevimon exclaimed as he wiped a stray tear of eye.

"Hehehe….I know...oh man, I slay me." I sighed as I made my out of the building. "Now let's go troll the shit out of this chapter."

Demidevimon jumped off my shoulder and perched himself on my head. "Right behind ya, pal."

* * *

"How long does it take to register a criminal…."

Ave tore her eyes away from her holographic screen (not something she did very often) to address her partner. "No need to worry, Mastemon, I wouldn't have sent them if I wasn't sure that they could handle it." She smirked. "Or perhaps…. are you a little too eager for results?"

"I'm eager to know if we've finally caught her."

Ave scoffed. "I doubt it. She's always been a slippery one."

"How can you be so calm?"

Before she could respond, the doors opened. Two tamers walked in, followed by their digimon. They stopped and saluted and did nothing else. They were practically statues.

Ave sent her partner another smirk. "See what I mean?" she asked, before turning to the tamers. "Ah. Alice, Craig, how was the mission?"

They relaxed immediately. "The mission was...a failure," said Alice, a young girl with dark brown shoulder length hair, her dark blue eyes narrowing in self-disappointment. Feeling a tug on her jeans, she looked down and saw her partner, Lunamon, staring up at her with a sweet smile and bright eyes.

"Don't worry, Ally, we'll get her next time."

Staring down at her partner's adorable smile, added with her appearance that almost made her look like an innocent child, Alice couldn't stop the small smile possessing her lips even if she tried.

"She slipped right through our fingers," said Craig, a tanned boy with very short black hair. He wore a dark red shirt and blue jeans. His partner, Kunemon, sat on his shoulder.

"I see. Anything else to report?"

"No ma'am. That's pretty much it."

"Very well then. Your reward will be at the mission center. Dismissed."

They saluted and left, leaving Ave and Mastemon alone once more.

"Looks like your were right," said Mastemon.

"You sound surprised." she raised an eyebrow as she turned back to her screen. "It's like I said; slippery."

Mastemon scoffed. "Know it all…"

"I heard that."

* * *

It was simple. All they had to do was find a digiport, teleport to Bit Jungle and finish the mission. It was so easy, any idiot could do it.

"What do you mean the digiport isn't working?!"

Apparently, our "heroes" were _special_ idiots.

Liam facepalmed as Kouta continued to argue with the mechanic- some emo-looking guy wearing a creepy skull shirt and fingerless gloves. He had a tall, slender build which which only confirmed Liam's emo theory. Part of him wanted to be a dick (everyone needs a hobby, right?) and say "Watch out guys, we got a badass over here!", but considering the guy had a terrifying robot standing right next to him (and that the only form of protection _he_ had was a small bat who was more likely to sell him for lunch money than actually protect him) he decided that it would be in his best interest to shut his trap.

' _Oh well, there's always next year.'_

The mechanic- he decided to call him 'Emochanic' for now -stared down at Kouta with an extremely bored look in his eyes, like he couldn't be bothered to really put up an argument.

"Look, kid, I don't know what else to tell you. Something's wrong with the tracking system of all the digiports in the city. So unless you hate this place so much that you don't want to come back, I suggest you make a plan because this thing ain't porting crap right now," he said cooly, his expression forever bored. He turned back to the digiport, and retrieved his tool box from his partner before getting back to work.

Liam sighed as Kouta began to argue with the mechanic. This wasn't going his way _at all_. All he wanted was a nice semi-quiet day of lounging around, gorging himself on snack foods and maybe trolling Mikaela for an hour or two. Was that so wrong?

Apparently it was, and very much so if his inability to sit for the next few days was anything to go by.

' _Fuck you too, universe.'_

"Hey, kid, look at that." He turned to his partner who was now perched on his shoulder. He sent him a questioning glance, but the bat digimon's attention was elsewhere. Following his stare, Liam saw a large crowd gathering not far off - and increasing in size by the second.

"Think we should check it out?" asked Demidevimon.

Liam stared at the crowd for a moment before turning to his teammates. Kouta wa still "talking" with emochanic and Ryan was trying to score some random girl's number. He must've been doing something right because she was giggling and - wait, nevermind. She just slapped him.

Liam cringed. And they thought _he_ was the weirdo of the team.

"Might as well. We're uh...not much use here anyway," he replied. "Besides, I doubt they'll notice we're gone for a few minutes." He watched as Ryan walked up to another girl.

"...or hours."

With that, he made his way to the ever growing crowd, ignoring the loud snap of skin-on-skin contact. As they got closer to a cluster of men and mon, the sounds of cheering and laughter invaded their ears. He raised an eyebrow at the joyous sounds. The only time he ever heard sounds like that back home was when someone was getting the ever-loving crap beaten out of them. The thought made him walk faster.

It didn't take long to reach the crowed. The sounds of cheer were practically deafening at this point. It probably would've damaged his eardrums, were it not for the many years sitting alone in his room, with full-blast headphones, he had under his belt.

...It's not sad.

They made no move toward the crowed. They simply stood there, looking for an opening in the sea of arms, legs and….other appendages. Liam could've sworn he saw a tentacle in there somewhere. Under normal circumstances, he'd have no problem simply shoving his way through the crowd, not caring about the many enemies he'd no doubt make in the process. However, that plan not only went out the window, but drank a whole bottle of cyanide before taking the jump when Liam noticed that half the digimon in the crowed were large enough to pick him out of their teeth.

Okay, maybe he was exaggerating a bit there, but they were freaking huge! He nearly shat houses when he saw a giant flaming bird hovering over a giant orange T-rex. And if that wasn't _already_ enough nightmare fuel to last a few life times, then what happened next nearly gave him a heart attack. They must've sensed his stare or something because they both suddenly turned and stared at him. For the second time that day, Liam found himself in a staring contest with a really odd opponent. That's when it happened.

They smiled at him.

Fucking _smiled_!

The already-high amount of holy shits going through the boy's head only increased at the sight of their ass-shreddingly sharp teeth. If his earlier trip to the hospital had not left his own ass in the middle of vicegrip impossible, he probably would've needed some new pants.

' _Since when do birds have teeth?!'_

"So, uh, I guess yoloing this bitch is out of the question," said Liam, gulping the lump of fear down his throat as he turned to his partner. "Any ideas?"

Demidevimon was silent as he stared at the crowd, his wing stroking his chin in thought. "Just one." Spreading his wings and jumping off Liam's shoulder, the bat digimon wasted no time in leaving his partner staring at him in disbelief as he made his way over to the center of the crowd.

"Hey, what about me?!" the boy yelled. His partner yelled something that might have been a response, were it not drowned out by the cheers of the crowd. However, he did manage to catch the words "screw" and "yourself".

"Screw you, you flying rat!" he yelled angrily at the bat's retreating form. After taking a moment to calm himself via deep breaths and a boatload of curses, he turned his attention back to the crowd. It might have been the fear of being trampled by lots of pissed off digimon, but somehow, it looked even larger and more compact than before. Both man and mon were pushing and shoving each other in hopes of getting a better view of…whatever was going.

Seeing no other way in there and getting pretty sick of just standing there, he let out a defeated sigh. Looks like he was yoloing this after all.

' _The things I do for plot development.'_

Taking a moment to recall all the self help videos he'd seen on Youtube™ , he faced the crowd again, took a deep breath and…

"LEEEEROOOYYY JEEENNNKINNNS!"

With his war cry echoing loud and clear, he closed his eye and charged into the crowd in a blind fury. Like Moses splitting the ocean in two, he crashed, pushed and shoved a path, all the while screaming his war cry that sound like a scream of fear to the ears of everyone else. He wasn't sure how long it was before he finally worked up the courage to open his eyes, but when he did, he caught a brief glimpse of dark brown hair before his vision was overcome with white.

This caused him to stop in his tracks. It was not a white flash of blinding light. Just….white. Even stranger, he actually _felt_ it impact with his face, followed by the sounds of laughter. As all of this was going on, Liam found himself repeating a recurring thought that had haunted him since the day he woke up in this messed up world of talking bats and angry candle girls.

' _What. The. Fuck.'_ It wasn't so much a question of his current situation, but rather a quick summary of it in a few simple well put words. He was still trying to make head or tail of what was going on when the 'white' suddenly began to slide off his face, allowing the sunlight to enter his vision once more. Once the last of the dull colour had fallen from his face, landing with a 'thud', he quickly became aware of his surroundings again- specifically, the crowd of people and digimon (the digimon who had them) laughing their asses off. Looking down, he saw a tin of pie slathered with white cream. Said cream now hosted a very handsome dent at it's center.

Well, that explained why he smelled lemon cream. For a minute there he thought he died and old Grimmy was trying out some new perfume.

He found himself smirking despite his current situation. ' _Lemony Death, for men. I'd totally market that.'_

Turning his attention back to the crowd of laughing jerks, he saw what could only be described as a purple imp walking towards him, a clean towel in one hand and a megaphone as big as his head in the other. The site was oddly adorable in a weird "I'm not alright in the head"-way.

' _Then again, I did just get bit in the head with a pie so…'_ He let that thought trail off as the imp-thing now stood in front of him.

It smiled at Liam as it held out the towel in its three-fingered hand. "You okay, kid? You took quite the hit there."

It took all of Liam's willpower not to facepalm and let out a whole plethora of swears at the familiar nickname, and even then he still muttered a quick "sonofabitch," as he accepted the towel. Just how many people were going to call him that?

' _I'm eighteen dammit!'_

"Trust me, I've taken worse things to the head…and other places." He muttered the last part, the memory of a certain doctor and her pet spider coming to mind. He quickly shook away the image- he had enough nightmares for one day, thank you.

"Hey that's great, kid." That time he _did_ facepalm as the imp turned to the crowd and began speaking through the megaphone. "How about a hand for our surprise volunteer, folks?!"

Suddenly, the crowd erupted with applause. The sound was nearly deafening, but thankfully he still had some pie in his ears to help soften the blow. Some individuals even gave him a pat on the back- a few of them forgetting that they had claws.

' _My spine!'_

The little imp just laughed at his pained expression before readdressing the crowed. "Alright, folks, that's all we legally have time for today. Come back tomorrow and we'll show you how easy it is to fit a human body into a tiny box."

And just like that, the crowd began to dissipate, leaving a cream covered teen and an imp holding a megaphone.

' _It's senior prom all over again,'_ he thought as he wiped the last bits of cream off his face.

"That was hilarious!" yelled a familiar voice. Feeling a sudden pressure on his shoulder, Liam looked to his left and saw Demidevimon now perched on his shoulder. The little jerk was struggling to speak between bouts of laughter. "Man, talk about taking it like a pro. Then again, you've been doing that a lot today haven't you?"

Liam's eye left twitched. He shakily raised his arms, getting ready to lunge at the bat-digimon.

"That was amazing!"

Liam turned to the direction of the voice, aiming to give the owner a few choice words about throwing pies when...

' _Oh….my….gah….'_

To say his jaw nearly hit the floor would've been an understatement. It was more like it dislocated itself and hopped away. He could hardly believe what he was seeing, and who could blame him? After all, it isn't everyday you see a girl dressed in a jester outfit, riding a unicycle and juggling three cream pies and a _flaming knife_!

"That was our best show yet!" cheered the jester as she wheeled herself over, never stopping her juggling. Her outfit was skin tight and consisted of red and black squares, four on each part of her body. Despite the tightness of the outfit, her act remained unaffected. Her curly dark brown hair- which Liam would've mistaken for black were she not standing, um, wheeling in the sunlight -swayed from side to side as she juggled. The blade of the knife somehow never touched her skin, no matter at what angle it fell. She just continued to catch it by the handle and toss it in the air, in a demonstration of skill Liam had only seen by professionals and con artists.

And it was the hottest thing he had ever seen.

"Sorry about the pie to the face. I lost my grip on one of the pies and...well, you know the rest." She was right in front of him now, about an arm's length away. At this distance, he couldn't help but notice that her eyes were the same brown as her hair.

' _Sexy….clown...lady,'_ he thought, eyes wide and face red.

"Uhm, Harley?" the imp called, jostling Liam out of his thoughts. Harley? The name fit perfectly in his opinion, but he couldn't help but feel like he'd heard it somewhere before.

Harley turned her attention to the imp, head cocking to the side with an adorable "Hmm?"

"You're still juggling," the imp pointed out.

"Huh?" She looked at her arms and was shocked to see that she was, indeed, still juggling. "Woopsie. Just give me a second."

Liam would never forget what happened next.

In a display of masterful acrobatics, she suddenly threw the pies and flaming knife into the air before _back flipping_ off her unicycle. She pulled off three successful air flips before landing perfectly with her feet together and her arms held out by her sides. Not a second later, all three pies landed in her hand, perfectly stacked without a drop of cream landing on her. As if that wasn't enough, the knife landed in the center of the final pie, blade first and still flaming.

For the first time in his life, Liam was speechless.

Demidevimon whistled at the impressive display. "Impressive, but I bet you can't do that blindfolded."

The jester smiled, her eyes sparkling with wonder and excitement. "Challenge accepted! Impmon, get the blindfold!"

"No!" Liam shouted, finally finding his voice. He was not about to have the death of a sexy clown lady on his head. A male clown, sure (with pleasure in fact), but not a sexy female one. He didn't think the world could handle such a loss.

He found himself feeling slightly guilty when she looked at him with sad eyes and let out a sad yet adorable "Aww…."

"Uh, I mean, why don't you save that for the next show? You know, when there's a bigger crowed and all that jazz," he added quickly, earning an odd look from his partner.

Her frown quickly turned upside down. "That's a great idea!" she exclaimed as she threw the pies off in some random direction. He wasn't sure where they disappeared to, but he could've sworn he heard a muffled explosion followed by someone yelling "My leg!"

' _It's weird how that doesn't even make it on the 'Weird things I've seen in the one and a half days I've been here' list,'_ He thought.

Feeling a tugging on his pant leg, he looked down and saw the little purple imp from earlier- Impmon if he remembered correctly. The little devil was holding a hat that was practically overflowing with what looked like silver computer chips.

' _I've seen those before, haven't I?'_ he thought, raising a questioning eyebrow. Then it hit him. Those were the chips he saw Ryan use to pay for their food the day they met. ' _So they use computer chips as money here. Good to know.'_

Impmon either didn't notice his thoughtful expression or chose to ignore it. He simply reached into the hat and scoped up a handful of chips, not bothering to count them before offering them to the boy. Liam stared at the weird money with a blank expression before looking the imp digimon in the eye and deadpanning. "If you're looking for some service, you're gonna have to cough up _a lot_ more than that, pal. I mean, do you _see_ this ass?"

He was expecting a negative reaction. An awkward silence, a slap, a remark of how inappropriate he was being, all things he had grown more than used to. So it shouldn't be too hard to imagine his surprise when they actually _laughed_. Not the usual sarcastic "ha ha, very funny" but a genuine, honest to Bieber laugh- one being an adorable (and slightly creepy) giggle, the other being a loud and obnoxious "HA!".

He looked at Demidevimon, as if to make sure he wasn't that only one seeing this; that he hadn't just gone crazy(er) from recent events. But the bat digimon looked just as surprised as he was.

"No no! This is your share of money," he said once he finally found his voice. "After all, if there's one thing we've learned in this business, it's that you never get cream on your face without expecting some cash for your trouble."

An awkward silence hung in the air for second.

But only for a second.

"Pffft-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" At that moment, Liam was sure he attracted some odd looks and the attention of some therapist (he swore he could feel Lourdes eyeing him like a piece of meat), but he was also more than sure he didn't care (not like it's the first time that's happened). He didn't blame them of course. After all, a boy and a harlequin hugging their stomachs as they howled with laughter, a bat digimon falling off the boy's shoulder, rolling on the floor and struggling to breath through bouts of laughter, while an imp digimon tried really hard not to do the same. That ain't shit you see everyday.

"Oh….oh man, I….I can't breath," Liam wheezed as he tried stand up straight, only to grab his stomach again and begin the process anew. "Perverted humour….classic!"

"I know, right?" she replied, though just barely. She took a moment to catch her breath before speaking again. "I'm Harley, Melia Harley, and this is my partner, Impmon."

"Hi there," Impmon greeted.

Liam raised an eyebrow. ' _Melia? Isn't that….?'_

"Your name is 'Ash Tree'?" he quipped, earning a giggle from the jester, along with a playful punch for no extra cost.

"Shut up! We can't all have super star names."

"Never said it wasn't. 'Ash Tree the Jester' sounds pretty fabulous to me."

"Oh yeah? Well what's YOUR name?"

"Liam Darks, at your service," He performed a mock bow, lifting up Demidevimon as he came up. "And this little flying jerk is Demidevimon."

"Nice to meet ya, Ash Tree!"

"Aww, you're so cute," she cooed, leaning forward to pet Demidevimon's head, giving Liam a generous view of her cleavage.

' _Clown cleavage, there truly is no substitute,'_ he thought.

"But you can just call me Harley," she continued, either ignoring or not noticing the direction of Liam's stare. "After all, everyone else does."

"Really? Everyone calls _me_ Miley Cyrus."

She cocked her head to the right in confusion. It was so adorable, he nearly cringed. "Why would they call you that?"

He smirked. He was hoping she'd ask that.

"Well you see, it's because…."

* * *

"How the heck do we lose a _person_ ," The cloaked figure asked himself as he jumped to the next roof, something he normally wouldn't do in broad daylight as a black shadow Jumping from rooftop to rooftop was easily noticeable during such time, but, thankfully, the people in this city didn't tend to look up very often.

His partner shifted a bit under his cloak. "Well, you take them to the woods and-"

"Quiet you!" he snapped. "This whole mess is your fault to begin with!"

" _Me_?! _You're_ the one who lost him!"

"Because _you_ distracted me!" he said as he landed on the roof of a local restaurant. Making his way to the ledge, he scanned the city streets for his targets, hoping to find them among the seemingly endless sea of people and digimon. "Do you know how hard it's going to be to find them again? They could very well be out of the city by now! We could be here for hours or-"

"I BREAK THE FOURTH WALL LIKE A WREEEAAAAKING BAAALLL!"

The rest of his sentence died in his throat, no doubt committing suicide so it wouldn't have to listening to…whatever _that_ was. The boy shook his head, trying to get his bearings straight after such a fierce audio assault. His partner peeked at the street and spotted their targets talking to….

"...Is that a clown?"

* * *

If I could see my own face, I'm sure I would've seen a shit eating grin take over my lips. I waited for the inevitable (at least in my opinion) laughter, but all I got was awkward silence. And not the usual awkward silence I enjoy causing, usually through the power of troll. This was more like the awkward silence that follows an attempt to impress someone, only to fall flat on your ass and make a complete….well, ass of yourself.

"I don't get it."

See what I mean?

I was sure I heard a record scratching (cause what awkward moment would be complete without that?) as I went from Joker-grin to disappointed frown in two seconds flat. Harley was still smiling at me, something I can't imagine her _not_ doing, given her attire and all, but it was more out of politeness than any actual humour.

' _Eh, I'll take what I can get.'_

Harley tilted her to the right this time as she asked the obvious question. "So do I call you Miley or…?"

"No no, uh, just...just Liam will do," I said with a miserable sigh. Part of me wanted to suggest a comical nickname, but I figured I already made enough of a fool of myself today.

' _Oh well, there's always tomorrow.'_

Her head shot back up again and her smile renewed to its former glory. "Okay! We really gotta go now. Got important clown business to take care of, you know."

"No, I really don't," I deadpanned.

Of course, my statement was ignored as she continued. "But if you're ever in the area, I'd love for you to join my act again. Maybe next time I'll throw more than just pies at ya."

I let out a small laugh before replying with an honest smile despite the obvious sarcasm in my voice. "Well, here's hoping."

She didn't respond verbally. She nodded before picking up Impmon, who was still holding the hat full of chips, and placing him under her arm much like one would hold a football. Impmon didn't seem to mind, in fact he look quite comfortable there. They gave us one last smile, which we returned, before skipping away.

No seriously, she actually skipped away. The clinking of chips could be heard for miles with each skip, somehow never spilling out of the hat. I watched with an eyebrow raised in amusement and well-natured disbelief until they skipped around the corner.

Once I was sure they were gone, I voiced the obvious. "What. The. Fu-"

"There you are!"

I groaned in annoyance and exhaustion as the sound of tiny footsteps reached my ears, and I'm not talking about the digimon. Turning around, I came face to face with a very upset looking elf with a bat-hamster-thing sitting on it's head. He was glaring at me, clearly upset that I had wandered off, but all he did was make me smile. Not my fault though. I mean, have you seen an angry eight year old? It's freaking adorable! He even had his cheeks puffed up and everything!

I opened my mouth to comment on this but fell silent when I saw Ryan. Poor guy looked like he had seen better days. His face was covered in painful looking handprints to the point that I saw more red and pink than his actual skin colour. His hair was an absolute mess and his glasses were askew. Oh and let's not forget that his right cheek was starting to swell. Yet despite all this, he still wore that same dopey smile on his face, as if he didn't look like he just came from his first mosh pit.

' _Either this guy can seriously take a hit or I've underestimated the power of obvious weed intake.'_ Normally I'd laugh at him or at least make a joke at his expense. I decided to make an exception though as I was too busy cringing to properly shoot at his hubris.

Demidevimon however, had no problem sniping it out. "Looks like you had fun."

I don't know how, but Ryan's smile actually got bigger, causing me to cringe even harder as the handprints _visibly_ protested against this action. He said nothing, only nodding his head and doing the most cliché hero thumbs up I had ever seen, and I watch anime so that's saying something.

"Yeesh, how many times did she slap you?" I asked.

Since his partner's cheek was still swollen, it was up to Monodramon to answer in his place. "Only once actually."

"Then why is he…?"

"She had sisters."

"Ah, that explains it." I turned to Kouta, wanting to focus on something less….cringe-worthy. "So how did the chat with emochanic go? We doing this mission or not?"

The toddler sighed in frustration, whether it was at me or our situation I'm not too sure. "Well according to Drake, the-"

I decided to cut him off with the obvious question. "Wait, Drake? Who the fuck is Drake?"

"The mechanic with the Guardromon," said Tsukaimon, his squeaky voice as adorable as ever (not that I'd admit that).

' _Ooooooh, so_ that's _his name,'_ I thought. ' _Eh, I like Emochanic better.'_

Kouta rolled his eyes as he continued. "Anyway, according to Drake, it will take about a week before the digiports are up and running again. Until then we have no choice but to use the Digibeetle."

"Digibeetle? What the heck is a digibeetle?" I asked, my confusion clear as day.

"I'll explain on the way to the armoury," he said as he walked past me, beckoning me to follow. "But first we'll need to get some supplies. It's likely to be a long trip and I don't want to be unprepared for any….complications."

"Well aren't you an organized little elf?" I quipped as I followed. With him having such tiny legs, it wasn't very hard to keep up. "Then again, someone had to make sure those toys were delivered."

He grumbled something I couldn't hear (no doubt a few swears), but didn't saying anything else on the matter as we continued on our way.

* * *

Drake watched them leave, waiting until he was sure they were out of earshot before extending his hand out, palm up to Guardromon. The metal behemoth pressed a button on his arm, opening a small compartment, and removing a small earpiece and placing in his partner's hand. He nodded in thanks before placing the device in his ear and activating it.

There was moment of static before a voice broke through. " _Did it work_?"

"Yeah, they're heading to the armoury right now. Don't loose sight of them, Cheshire."

The voice on the other end chuckled responding in a cocky tone. " _Don't worry, it's me you're talking here_."

Drake smirked while Gaurdromon let out a small laugh. "That's perfectly good reason to worry."

Devilish laughter could be heard on the other end, followed by a shush before he responded. " _Yeah well screw you. Over and out_."

There was another moment of static, and the device shut off. Removing the ear piece, he handed it to his partner before getting back to work on removing the bug he had placed in the digiport.

* * *

Drake is owned by Driver X

Alice is owned by Geogrey95

Cheshire is owned by Fear Ripper

Pm me if you have any OCs for me to use


End file.
